A few days ago, my bride used a part of my More on deserving post in a post she did on her blog. She got some push-back from several women over the word “bitchy” used in my post. When I used the word, I did think about it. While it’s not a word I commonly use, I don’t consider it swearing (some will disagree, that’s fine). I used it here, for a male audience, because we all know exactly what it means. We have all deal with women are that way from time to time, and most of us have deal with women who are most of the time.
That said, I’m not here to defend my choice of words; I want to talk about the harm we can do with our words. The same day my bride ran her post, my Bible reading included the following:
“If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you’d have a perfect person, in perfect control of life. A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything – or destroy it! A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue – it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!” [James 3:2b-10 The Message]
Being bitchy is certainly one way we can hurt others with our words, but what about more masculine ways of hurting with words?
- Sarcasm: Some men can hardly open their mouth without sarcasm escaping their lips. I don’t think sarcasm is wrong, but I have noticed women as a whole seem to dislike it far more often and far more strongly than men. If sarcasm bothers your bride, spare her.
- Sharing private things: Just because you are okay with sharing something private about her or the two of you does not mean she is okay with it. Aside from hurting her, it violates trust.
- Mean jokes and poking fun: She is not one of the guys, and she does not want to be insulted and picked on the way you and your buddies do.
- Ordering or commanding: Demanding she do something rather than asking is a bad plan. She is not your servant, and treating her as such is not going to result in a good marriage (or sex life!).
- Shutting her up: Most women can out talk most men because they “have more words”. Some men “defend” against this by arguing or yelling till she gives up. This might be a good plan in some situations, but it’s a very bad way to treat one’s wife.
- Offensive words: Most of us have words that set us off for some reason. Some are words we consider profane, but some words are a problem because they have been used to hurt or tease in the past. Be it the word, or the connection from the past, using a words that upset or offend your bride is wrong. (Note added this due to discussion below, a valid category I missed.)
All of these things are annoying (or worse) to her – as much so as bitchiness is to you. Don’t do unto her as you hate her doing unto you.
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
Battle for a Great Marriage
Spend Time With Your Wife: It’s scary such an article is necessary, but it is.
Black and Married with Kids
7 Things Your Spouse Needs To Hear (More Often) : True this.
Divorce Busting Blog
Emotional Affairs and Infidelity: It starts out innocent, and moves step by step to sin and destruction.
The Generous Wife
The Gift of Bragging : My wonderful, intelligent, beautiful bride gracefully throws done a very pretty gauntlet.
Deserving the Best: The post in which my wife quotes me using the “b” word.
I am NOT a Female Dog: My bride’s response to comments on the post above.
Today is Ladybug Day! : Ignore the girly title, this is a great post!
Happily Married After
The ABC’s of Kicking Porn to the Curb : A great guest post from Stu Gray of StupendousMarriage.com
Your Sex Life is Funny… So Laugh : Spot on advice.
The Taste Below The Waist : The taste, and how to change it.
Hot, Holy and Humorous
Where to Have Sex: Part 1: The bad plan half of the list.
Journey to Surrender
Own Your Own Happiness: Some good thoughts on a subject I’ve been working on (posts in the future).
My Beloved Is Mine
As Christ Loved The Church : An excellent post on the love requirement of headship.
Stupendous Marriage Show 041: Commitment To Your Marriage : Note it’s not show 41, it’s show 041. Love the confidence!