Don’t offer false choices

June 20, 2012

in Be a grownup, Change, Intimacy, Series, YOU4HER

Are there more choices? © Wd2007 | Dreamstime.com

“A or B, that’s the choices.”

Yesterday I suggested you not accept false choices – even from your bride. Today I want to encourage you not to offer false choices to your bride (or anyone else).

It is tempting to offer a list of choices that does not include those we would rather not have chosen. It is also tempting to offer false choices designed to manipulate or control what our spouse does. Both of these may seem like an easy and risk free win, but it is not the way to have a good marriage.

In addition to not offering intentionality false choices, I think we should re-examine choices we have always thought were valid. Maybe they were valid at one time, but are not now. Maybe they were valid for your father and mother, but not for you. Maybe they were never valid, but you learned them as valid and never questioned it. Choice is power, and helping your bride see more options is giving her the power to have a better, easier, or healthier life.

Examples of false choices:

  • “We have to do this now, we many never get another chance.” It may be true you will not get another chance, but maybe doing it now is unwise; maybe not doing it is a better choice.
  • “We have to go to my parents for Thanksgiving or Christmas.” Maybe it is time to say, “We are staying home, you are welcome to join us.” At least it needs to be an option.
  • “We have enough money for this or that, but not both.” You might be able afford both if you cut back in other areas. Is buying both worth making some sacrifices for a while?

 

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