What do you want from your marriage? What do you want your marriage to be like? Why do you want what you want? What is the root of your desires?
If your desires for your marriage come out of brokenness or fear, your desires cannot be completely healthy.
- If there was a lot of conflict in your home when you were growing up, and you are desperate to avoid conflict in your marriage, you will rule with an iron fist, give in to anything your bride wants, or run from any hint of conflict.
- If your mother did not respect your father, you may be hypersensitive about respect and see disrespect where it does not exist.
- If your father treated your mother badly you may be so afraid of being the same way you abdicate your duty as husband.
- If your family did not spend much time together, you may enforce an unhealthy level of “togetherness”.
- If your mother was controlling, you may see your bride as controlling when she is not, and you may reject acceptable and necessary questions as an invasion of privacy or a lack of trust.
- If you are afraid your wife will leave you (especially if you think you do not deserve her, and fear she will figure it out) you may do all manner of crazy things.
In general, why you want things is an important question to ask yourself. It is also often a very good way of finding unreasonable desires.