A few days ago, my bride wrote My Cottage Garden, in which she talks about her gradually growing cottage garden. She makes a great point about some poor reasons why many of us don’t invest as much in our marriage as we should, and I urge you to go read her for those things. That said, I’d like to make a different point.
I happen to like Lori’s cottage garden – I like the concept, and I like how it’s looking. However, even if I didn’t care, I’d be supportive because this is something she wants to do. This is fun for her, and good for her, and that is all I need to be all for it and as supportive as possible.
This, however, brings up a danger – getting too involved. This is her thing, and she is having a blast with it. She cares what I think, and enjoys discussing how it is going and what she wants to do next, but this is not a project she wants to do jointly. She wants to do this, she wants it to be a reflection of who she is, and if I get too involved, I will spoil it for her. So I am encouraging and available, but nothing more. I ran the tiller and helped get the grass out. I lug bags of compost and mulch, and I sprinkle red pepper to help keep the cats out, but I do not tell her where I think things should go. I occasionally mention a plant I like – if it shows up that’s fine, if it doesn’t show up, that’s fine too.
My point is sometimes being supportive means being on the fringe. It means being available to help, but not getting offended if you are not included.
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
New blog this week – refine us. I’ve been following and sharing this couple on Twitter for some time, but somehow did not get them onto my blog list.
A Grown Up Marriage
Control or Intimacy, You Can’t Have Both ◄ This is similar to my recent post about control and happiness.
Why Your Husband Does Those Annoying Things He Does ◄ You could read this with the genders switched, and that would be good, but even better look at what you do that annoys your bride and ask why you do those things?
Count Your Blessings: How to Appreciate Your Partner ◄ A good thing to do from time to time.
The Generous Wife
Journey to Surrender
Which Way Are You Leaning? ◄ You need to read and think on this one!
The Funnel of Sexual Arousal; Know Your Brain-Control Your Body ◄ An excellent and important article.
The Secret to Staying Happily Married ◄ Yes, very important!
Sexual Parameters within Marriage ◄ Very much what I think, and well done.
Stupendous Marriage Show with Stu and Lisa Gray Episode 51 – Becoming One Flesh ◄ Good discussion of who brings in what money to the marriage, and what else is important.