Oral Sex: Survey says ..

July 14, 2012

in Sexuality, Survey Says ...

NOTE: Stats and graphs updated Oct 19th 2012.

Time for the results of the survey on oral sex. We had 309 women and 759 men answer. How much does this survey reflect the real world? The vast majority who answered are married followers of Jesus. I think it is also safe to say the vast majority are sex positive Christians – only 4.2% of the ladies and 0.1% of the men thought oral sex was morally wrong. With that in mind…

chart from surveymonkey.com

Ladies thoughts on doing their husband orally:

  • The majority of women say they like to performing oral sex on their husband. Fifty percent said they enjoy it because he does. Forty-one percent  really like it and get turned on doing it, and 16% say they love it and it drives them wild to do it. Don’t feel bad asking, she may be happy to do it.
  • Seventeen percent don’t like it, but do it “for him”. Nothing wrong with that, but if this is your wife, limit how often she does it and let her know how much it blesses you.
  • The biggest problem was ejaculation, with just over a quarter saying they doing oral except for ejaculation. Ask her to start with her mouth and finish some other way.
  • Nine percent complained their guy want them to finish him orally when they would rather have intercourse and 8% are afraid if they do it, he will want nothing else. Let her know you like it, but it’s not the only thing you like.
  • Seven percent can’t tell if he is enjoying it, 8% are afraid they can’t do it right, and 8% feel stupid when the do it. Show your appreciation!
  • Four percent say it brings up bad memories. Time may change this, but pushing her to try will only make it worse.
  • Seven percent  think it would be okay if he washed first. REALLY guys? Come on!
  • Eleven percent  think it’s gross. I wonder how many of those also said they don’t like ejaculation or their guy does not wash? If she says it’s gross, ask if there is a way you could make it less gross.
chart from surveymonkey.com
Ladies thoughts on being done orally by their husband:
 
  • Thirty-six percent  like how excited their husband gets by doing it. She enjoys you enjoying it – and it probably makes her feel less selfish about it. If you like it, let her know how much you like it!
  • Thirty-six percent like it as foreplay, but would rather finish with intercourse. Most women like intercourse (Even among those who never climax from it, most feel a need for it.) If you want to do oral on her, make it clear it’s her choice how things end.
  • Twenty-five percent are only open to it if they just showered, 17% can’t understand why he is willing to do it, and 8% say they feel gross when he does it. This is a major block to women accepting oral sex, and to enjoying it if they do accept it. Work to convince her you do not find it gross, but actually enjoy it (see the men’s stats below for help with that).
  • Eighteen percent said it was their favourite sex act. You need to know if your bride is one of these, and if she is make oral part of most sex acts.
  • Thirteen percent like to climax orally if he finishes before she does during intercourse. Don’t make her ask, go for it.
  • Ten percent say they don’t get oral nearly as often as they would like. Ask your bride if she wants a bit more oral, or a lot more oral.
  • Eleven percent enjoy oral, but can’t climax from from it. If she can’t get there from oral, give her some pleasure then move on. Don’t make it a point of pride!
  • Eight percent said it’s the only sure way they can climax, and 4% said it’s the only way they can climax at all. If this is your bride, give her what she needs!
 
chart from surveymonkey.com
 
The men’s thoughts on doing their wife (written for her edification):
 
  • Forty-five percent of men love the smell/taste, and another 34% like it. That means 79% of men ENJOY how a woman’s genitals taste and smell. What’s more, only 4% said they dislike the smell/taste.
  • Sixty-eight percent of men say doing it turns them on. Only 2% said they do it but don’t like it. So it’s not “just for her” – he enjoys it.
  • Fourteen percent want to try, but are told no.
  • Ten percent would like to do it to orgasm, but she says no. Only 6% like to do it but don’t want to finish her that way. Ladies, don’t feel selfish, he wants to!
 
chart from surveymonkey.com
 
And finally men’s thoughts on their wife giving them oral:
 
  • Forty percent want it more often. But keep reading.
  • Thirty-one percent don’t care if she swallows or not, 27% would like it but it’s not important to them, and 4% don’t want her to swallow. That’s two thirds who are fine with you not swallowing. Only 8% said swallowing was important to them.
  • Twenty-three percent want it only for foreplay, preferring to finish with intercourse. Conversely, 11% say it’s their favourite sex act. Ladies, a few men may only want oral, but they are the minority.
  • Twenty-three percent get oral sex, but not to climax.
  • Twenty-one percent say they enjoy how excited she gets doing it. Fifteen percent feel she is just going through the motions. Attitude is a big part of oral sex.
  • Fourteen percent say her not doing it is a minor problem for their sex life, while 5% say it’s a major problem. However, this is more than half of those not getting it, so for those being told no it’s an issue.
  • Eight percent worry they are using their wife when she does oral. Ladies, don’t do it if you feel used, and let him know you would not if you did.

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27 comments
Orangelady
Orangelady

My husband really enjoys receiving oral and is ok if I don't swallow, but I have a HORRIBLE gag reflex.  Its hard on me to brush my teeth without getting sick. I have had doctors tell me that I have an overly sensitive gag reflex and it even saved my life once.  What can I do to fix this?  I find it gross but I don't know if its because I gag so easily or not but I do try.

JustMeG
JustMeG

I have to say I think the women are lying.  Doing oral sex on men is just gross and not comfortable and not enjoyable at all.  I don't get how putting your mouth on something where pee comes out is enjoyable.  I try not to throw up or gag and try to think of a happy place.  No way that many women like it.  Ugh.  I hate receiving it to but he likes to do it to me so I let him occasionally but I'd be good if the whole oral thing would be thrown out.

hispresence
hispresence

personally, i see 'oral sex' as an integral, but deeper aspect of foreplay for PIV. secondly, if the couple achieve orgasm, is it a spice in their sex life. however, the role of hygiene is important here and mutual acceptance is thoughtful.

Lindy
Lindy

Doang it- I had a long comment typed out ad it got deleted. Sigh. Well, I guess the jist of it was my question of - are you suggesting that I let him/suggest he perform On me (even tho I know he doesn't like it) because I in turn don't care for it, but do it anyway for him? I just want to Make sure I understand where you're coming from. Thanks! :)

Lindy
Lindy

The Mr. and I have an interesting situation: I will perform oral on him, but it's pretty much only because I know how much it turns him on. He loves it....but I pretty much can't stand it, especially the taste. I gag everytime (I can't go as deep as I know he'd like, which makes me feel a little inadequate). I'd suggest him drinking fruit juices (which I've read are supposed to help) but ironically he doesn't eat fruit. Ever. Doesn't like the taste. And as far as me, I LOVE receiving it...but I know he can't stand it. The first time he gave it to me, he said he didn't like it. He wasn't trying to be mean, he was just answering my question of "did you like it too?". So I'm haunted by what he said..and I've told him about that. He felt horrible, and said that he just needed to get used to it (it was his first time). Now I'm wondering 1) should I continue to please him orally even when I find the taste so repulsive? (It's extremely bitter....and I thought it would be rude to just spit it out right afterwards.) I want to make him happy but I am beginning to dread pleasing him like that, especially when I know he wants it so much. 2) Should I suggest he please me orally, even when he says he's trying to like it and is willing to do it? He rarely offers, but when he does, part of me is dying for it and part of me is embarrassed because I think of what he first said. We want to please each other, but personally, I am just not one of those women who love giving oral. I wish I was - but it grosses me out. :( Advice? P.S. We have done stuff in the shower, and I slyly "get rid" of it afterwards...and it helps....but unfortunately, only he gets that playtime in the shower....he's too tall and I'm too short for me to have that kind of playtime ;) Sorry if this is TMI but it's really something I'm struggling with. I don't want to make him feel bad about something that he possibly can't control (taste). If he asks for it, can I say no? Sigh. We are usually really good at communicating, but this is one subject that is pretty difficult.

Larry B
Larry B

Thanks for covering this topic in a positive way. Communication, trust and respect are keys here. Oral sex can be a very beautiful practice in a married couple's lovemaking repertoire. Some women do have some hesitancy or reluctance to perform it, at least initially. But, the many comments that I have heard, and read, indicate that once the mental apprehension and anxiety is overcome and the wife gains some confidence with the practice, she enjoys giving as much as receiving! Wives, please try it before you conclude that it is no good. You will very likely be pleasantly surprised that you enjoy performing oral sex (fellatio) as much as your husband enjoys receiving! It can be a big plus for your marital lovemaking.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Eryn - Does "You have not because you ask not" apply here?" I'd approach it by saying something like "I think I might like some oral foreplay, if you are willing to try it sometime."

Eryn
Eryn

I enjoy performing oral sex on my husband especially when intercourse isn't possible (monthly cycle, etc). I would love to be on the receiving end sometime but I'm not sure how to ask without making him feel like I'm not otherwise satisfied. I'm afraid he'll just be grossed out at the request in general. Advice?

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Great comments all around! I agree the use of these stats is limited, but I think they can be helpful. J pointed out the doubt people have about doing it" right". The vast number of men who were okay with her not swallowing, and the overwhelming number who enjoy the tasted and smell should encourage folks. There are plenty of holes in this, lots of places where the "why" is different for people who give the same answers. As to more men than women answering, that is because I mentioned the poll here last week. Most of our facebook poll run more women than men. In my mind, the real value of these surveys is as a starting place for a couple to talk. On facebook one women said she wished she knew how her husband felt, but he won't talk about it. I suggested she print the survey out and ask him to do it for her. The other value of the survey is "supporting evidence". Many women limit or refuse receiving because they are sure it's gross for him, no matter what he says. When 80% of men on an anonymous survey say they like or love the taste/smell, and only 4% don't like it, that should change some minds.

jreeper
jreeper

Hi, Not tryiing to be a pain AND I will admit I am not the Brightest Crayon in the box ! But how you come from she wont finish me that way to only 7% is beyond me ? I like my wife to, but I am not about to force her so I settle for less . I also question the 59.8 % if swalloing was part of ther normal event how important it would be to them . Also the question wasnt raised about how frequently it was being done ( swallowing ) may also have an interesting out come also . Stats are wonderful things but they can be read many ways .

Bert
Bert

Yep I'm one of the 4 percent...my wife and I both grew up in churches that preached on lust...lust...lust...they needed to look up the Greek word and quit confusing their interpretation to the Godly Union of marriage,,,,,,I wonder if judgement day will include those guys as well

J (Hot, Holy & Humorous)
J (Hot, Holy & Humorous)

Interesting results, Paul. I found these two particularly intriguing: The wives saying "I'm afraid I'll do it wrong" and both saying that "I can never tell if he/she is enjoying it." Sure, it's awkward at first, but you have to communicate. It would help for men to gently express what feels good and what doesn't with oral sex; help your wife understand what places are most easily aroused, which ones are tender, how much pressure to apply, how you like to be stroked, etc. Of course, I'd also like to write the ladies (whom I usually talk to on my blog) and say, "Whoop it up now and then, gals! Let the hubs know he's turning you on." Great info!

Tim
Tim

Some thoughts around your point of how much this reflects the real world. This is something that I've always wondered about with these surveys: by virtue of where the survey is, it is much much more likely to be answered by someone who is already proactively thinking about their marriage, keen to grow in their role as husband/wife. By that token they are much more likely to be open and receptive to their spouses needs/wants/desires. My suspicion (fear!) is that if you were to find some way of accessing the vast numbers of people who only go through the motions of marriage then you would get a VERY different answer indeed! As it is you have nearly 3 times the number of male responders than female responders. Assuming an equal number of male and female readers across your blogs, this may already tell you something about the relative importance of oral sex between spouses? None of this is meant to be a criticism - more an observation..

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@JustMeG I can't think of any reason why hundreds of women would lie on an anonymous survey. I'm sure those who don't like it are less likely to answer the survey than those who do, but that does not change the fact that many women do enjoy doing it.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Lindy - I am just pointing out the double standard. Double standards mean something - what is up to you to figure out. As to who does what, I think it's best to both be honest about what you like to recite, and how you feel about giving, then each of you can make up your mind. Giving him something you don't like because you love him and want to do it for him is awesome. It would be awesome for him to do the same for you, but maybe you talked him out of that. If you enjoy it and he is willing, let him do it.

Userdand
Userdand

Sounds like it's time to stop finishing him in your mouth. Yes, you can do flavored lube, flavored condoms, taking in the very back of your mouth so you don't taste if you do swallow, spitting, or letting it run out. Those are all options, but if his finishing in your mouth is limiting your pleasure, then you need to stop doing that. You may find if you do not let him finish in your mouth it will become something you enjoy otherwise. Tell him what the problem is. Faced with no oral or a modified version I bet he'll come around to your need for his pleasure. Then ask him why he doesn't reciprocate. You may be surprised. Flavored lube may be the solution there if it is taste and odor. It doesn't mean you taste repulsive or smell bad, it simply means there is something off-putting there like his saltiness to you. He also may somehow not realize you DO want it and enjoy it. Also, his desires may have changed with time and he may be stumped as to how to initiate oral with you. I know when my wife and I go for a prolonged peroid without sex, getting started in bed is always a little awkward. Either way, you do need to speak up. Don't let finishing in your mouth deprive you of something you just might enjoy otherwise.

MP
MP

I want to reply to Lindy. I don't know whether you're still dealing with this issue but if the only part that is really unpleasant for you is the salty taste at the end, there are several options for you. You can try not to get it on your tongue and swallow it all at once; you can spit; you can have him finish in something, like a sock; or you can finish with sex. If you tell him it tastes very salty but you love to make him feel good, he will be happy you're trying to make it work. I didn't love it initially but I do now; awkwardness is inevitable at the beginning. Once I settled on a way to handle the ending, the rest became much more fun. Also, maybe to encourage both of you, you could take care of each other at the same time, facing opposite directions. Hope this isn't too detailed.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Lindy, The first thing I see is a double standard - you are willing to put up with something you don't like for him, but feel bad about him the same for you. Beyond that there are flavoured lubes that can help with taste issues. If you are prone to yeast infections be sure you get one that does not have any sugar. As to spitting - ask him. A few men dislike it, but most don't really care. If you can do it while he is on his back, you can just let it drain out.

Kat D.
Kat D.

I have the same problem, except he used to give me oral often, but it dwindled to nothing. The last time I remember receiving was over 2 years ago! I'be always been tidy and very appreciative and reciprocating, so I don't understand why it stopped. I hate asking, too, because one time I did ask and while he gave it, he seemed annoyed and it took forever to climax because of it, which annoyed him even more. Plus, if I ask I always feel like I am bothering and it isn't as romantic as him freely and wantingly giving it. I have been dropping hints, big hints lately not during sex, but no luck. I am praying for it, too. If I don't get it this weekend when he's home from work, I hope to have enough gumption to talk about it with him.

Sis
Sis

“Whoop it up now and then, gals! Let the hubs know he’s turning you on.” LOL, you have such a great way with words :)

Dave2
Dave2

In sociological terms it is called a "self-selected sample." You are correct in your observation that if they are on this site and this topic, it is likely they will exhibit a bias to some degree that will come from a sex-positive viewpoint. Even the fact that they will take the time to willingly do the survey indicates a more forward thinking attitude than the general population. It is fair to say though that the respondants are a microcosom of Christian married society and the data are representative of that particular subset. Even if accuracy is +/- 3% in some areas, the information still has value because it reflects attitudes and trends. You probably could not have posted this topic 10 years ago, especially asking such specific questions. If nothing else, the data provide starting points for opening dialogue on this topic. As proof, look to the comments generated when relationship topics are posted. I almost always learn something new in the shared information and attitudes of the commentors. They frequently are the most educative part of the post, which I feel is a natural and desired part of the blogging process. Keep up the good efforts at stimulating public discourse, Paul.

Pat
Pat

I agree with Tim . I think that the research has to be a bit skewed, AND I'm wondering about the usefulness of the information. For those of us married to folks who not only aren't interested in sex, but also are not interested in becoming interested, I don't really see the helpfulness here. I mean, I can see what percentage of respondents agree with my wife or agree with me on various topics, but what can I then do with that? "Oh! 17% of men are in the same boat I am!" No, that doesn't help me.

Userdand
Userdand

She's 100% right, Sis. I do just that for my wife. If it feels good, I let her know. Was it a little awkward and clumsly feeling at first? Yeah. But I kept at it and now commenting and moaning approval of her skills is very easy to do and it really pays off. When she hits a sweet spot, I let her know in no uncertain terms. Interestingly, if you keep raising the emotions as the good things come up (there's a pun in there somewhere), the "not-so" good things get displaced on the play list. Thus, you may likely be able to avoid the extremely uncomfortable "I really don't like it when you......" conversation. It should be a natural conversation to have between couples, but it usually causes dismay and wounded egos. "All these years, I thought you really liked my special steamed broccoli and cauliflower medely." :( If you are uncomfortable speaking, then moan, groan, gasp, whimper, shudder, writhe, grab him, claw his flesh or whatever works for the two of you as evidence of your ecstacy. The more you put into it, the more both of you will get out of it. Works both ways of course.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Dave2 - I agree that even skewed the data is of some value. And yes, a decade ago such a survey would have gotten me a lot more grief!

Dave2
Dave2

Perhaps knowing the figures supporting the opposing viewpoint at least may give you hope for change. Sometimes it's good to know either we are not in it alone or our point of view is reasonable and not excessive. I realize this doesn't "fix" your problem, and may even increase your frustration knowing for others things are different. But, if nothing else, it provides you with a conversation starter that is not subjective only. It is the result of an objective survey of others whom I assume you can say are "just like us" to her. Your problem seems to be you can't get her to discuss sex at all. One place to start would be to write her a letter telling her how you feel about the itimacy missing in the relationship and how your needs are not being met. Leave it with her and give her time to read and assimilate it. Tell her when you want to talk about it and leave her alone until then. If she refuses to talk, counseling is then required. No counseling is a deal-breaker. There is no quick soution here. Not what you wanted to hear, but true. It can get better, but in increments. One word of caution: be ready for a letter coming your way. Desire and arousal problems are always a two way street. Listen to her in the same way you wanted her to listen to you. You will only get as good as you give.

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