One area where the desire for perfection can do great harm is our sex lives.
If your bride feels she never does well enough, she may stop trying. That does not (necessarily) mean she stops having sex, but it will mean she won’t put much effort into making it what you want it to be. Can you blame her? If her best effort is not enough to please you, why should she put herself out just to be a failure? It is fine to let her know what you want, but be reasonable, and be grateful for what she is doing now. Thanking her, especially when she makes an extra effort, will encourage her to try even harder. Also, realise that she has neither a penis nor a male mind, so she does not know how either works or how to best give them pleasure. Give her help learning about your mind and your body, and encourage her as she learns.
The other side of this is turning down an offer for sex because it is not what you want. There are several problems with this:
- You can send the “you’re not good enough” kind of message I warned about above.
- Rejecting any honest offer is bad form, and it reduces the chance she will make such an offer in the future.
- If you say you are really horny, then turn down a hand job, what does that say to her? Will she believe you the next time you tell her you need it bad?
- Quality sex is born out of quantity sex – the more you have, the better it gets.
- Judging if she “means it” or is just offering “mercy sex” is a bad plan. Accept what she says at face value.
- Sex is a great way of bonding, and maybe she needs that even more than you need release.
Do not let perfectionism limit your sex life!