Nine things you need to know about women and sex

August 4, 2012

in Better Sex in 2012, Links to good stuff, Sexuality

© Rmarmion | Dreamstime.com

Vacuuming is easy, love & honour are tough!

Last Sunday I pointed to Sheila’s post Men: Here’s What I Wish I Could Say to You About Sex. The more I think about it, the more I realise this is a very important post, and something the vast majority of men need to read until they have it memorised.

Sheila is in a position to speak about this because of her blog, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, and her book The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun). Sheila has studied, written and spoken about this issue for years, and has received feedback from many woman. This is not the grumpy whining of one woman; it’s the voice of many, many women. You need to hear what they have to say; you need to UNDERSTAND what they have to say.

If you really want to learn, read the comments too!

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5 comments
Bumble1974
Bumble1974

I know this is a old post but one of the comments bothers me. The no sex for 6 weeks is Dr ordered. And is needed for her to heal. If your wife is willing to bless you with something else then that is wonderful, but trying to get use to a new born is a ton of work in the first 6 weeks too. My son was very colicky for the first 8 months. So that combined with her being sore from giving birth she was not willing to try for 3 months. I was very gentle but she was still in pain when we tried. After that I think it was another 6 weeks till she was willing to try again. I was not happy about that but I understood. Also during this time I was doing half the getting up in the middle of the night to give my wife a hand even though I had to get up at 4:30 am. There were many night I had 3 hrs sleep but was happy to help. Guys like the earlier poster give the rest of men a bad rep and make women think we are all desperate sex monsters. It just bothers me.

themarriagebed
themarriagebed moderator

@Bumble1974  Yes, 6 weeks without intercourse is medically advised. Surveys find about half of couples don't wait the full 6 weeks, which is sometimes a problem. I've seen some suggestions the 6 weeks is a lazy average - some women could safely have sex sooner, some need to wait a lot longer. 

That aside, for some men six weeks without sex is a significant problem. Other men manage just fine. If the couple can communicate their needs and limits well it's not a problem.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Ryan - No argument from me on this one. To her defences, Sheila has told women they need to be there for their husband sexually even when they have no desire. I would shift the balance a bit, but she does have balance on this issue. In my mind the real issue is getting both husband and wife to understand each other. If he understands how much her hormones can control her mind, he would be far more willing to sacrifice sex on occasion. If she understood how much his hormones can control him, she would be far more proactive about offering sex even when she has no desire at all. The other part of this is seeing sex as more than the act of intercourse, after foreplay, and continuing till both have climaxed. That's a great thing to do, and most of us would put that at the top of our list, but there are many other great ways we can be sexual. If she is open to these, and he can be okay with them, it becomes far easier for her to take care of him when she is unable to have intercourse.

Ryan
Ryan

I really enjoy your site and feel that you have some great wisdom on your posts. You bring out some point of views that I haven't thought of before and it’s biblical. I appreciate that greatly, I will have to respectfully disagree with one of Sheila's point in her article. If I get flamed for this, than so be it. Her point that men should be able to deal with no sexual relations for 6 weeks after they have their baby, completely disagree? I agree with no actual sex because she had a baby, understood. But we all know there are things that can happen sexually. I completely disagree with "no sexual relations" for that 6 week period. If the wife needs some time to adjust and recover from child birth. I understand that and we as men need to accommodate, support, help, and encourage in any way possible to help our wives and help with the new baby. But walking through a desert for 6 weeks, I would go insane. Is that biblical? To me that is selfish. Does she realize the stress and attacks a Christian man goes through daily to just to keep his eyes pure and thoughts pure. To focus his thoughts on God and his thoughts on his wife is a constant pursuit?? I dare a woman to live in a man’s mind for a day and to see the constant sexual attacks we go through. The majority of women have no clue what Christian guys who are trying to stay pure/sober go through on a daily basis. Then Sheila says its ok for guys to go 6 weeks through a drought, where is that right? How is that biblical?? No way that would be possible, the fights that would cause, the unnecessary hard aches that puts on a marriage, the separation, the stress, the footholds that opens up for satan to take control over and attack. Absolutely Ludacris! What if men just decided for 6 weeks to stop emotionally feeding their wives? Stop talking to them, stop hugging them, stop kissing them, stop loving them. Is that Biblical? No its not, neither is walking through the desert for 6 weeks. Thank you Paul for what you do, its much needed! Keep up the hard work Sir.

Jerry Stumpf
Jerry Stumpf

I amen this as too many men have such a degraded view of what women need and want. Thank you for all you do to encourage men to stpe up and be the tender "gentlemen" they should be. I have sent many of the couples we work with to your sites generous wife and husband. The Best Is Yet To Be!!!! --- Jerry

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