A couple weeks ago, Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage wrote “10 Confessions of a Wife Who Loves Sex”. Then J of Hot, Holy & Humorous did her “Confessions of a Sex-Happy Wife” and it became a trend. You can find the first five such articles in their entirety, along with links to others, on The Marriage Bed’s 50 Confessions From Wives Who Enjoy Sex. Several male bloggers have done their versions of this, and it’s time for me to join in. However, I am going to do it a bit differently – I am going to talk about what it is like to be married to a “Sex Positive Wife”.
1. It has not always been this way.
I know what it’s like to be told no most of the time, to be thought of as oversexed, and to go so long without sex I wanted God to take my sex drive away forever. Had all the fights, felt like a jerk, felt unloved, and felt grossly misunderstood. Been there, done that, couldn’t get her out of the T-shirt.
2. I did not find a secret way to turn my wife into a holy nymphomaniac.
The change was more about her growth than anything I said or did. If anything, I probably made her feel worse, which was hardly helpful.
3. For a long time it was good, and getting better, but still not all I wanted.
At some point our sex life passed the minimum acceptable level, which was nice. Later it passed the “I could be happy if this is all there ever is” point, and that was great. At some point, it seemed greedy to want it to be better, but it kept getting better.
4. When it first got really good, I was scared it would not last.
I was almost afraid to go all in for fear she would lose interest and I would be worse off than before. It took the better part of a year to stop worrying about when it would all come crashing down.
5. I have all the sex I want.
We don’t talk specifics, but I have all I want, and if I wanted more I could have more.
6. Sometimes I could pass on sex, but she wants it and I gladly do it for her.
This is the most awesome thing in the world, to have sex for her when I could easily go without. This is when I know she really likes sex, when I know she is not just doing it for me, and it’s fantastic feeling!
7. I get to hear “I thought about having sex with you today”.
Sometimes I get to hear the details too! Yes, this is as great and as arousing as it sounds. Being wanted, being desired, being lusted after both in person and in her thoughts is awesome.
8. A great sex life makes every other area of marriage better.
It also makes it easier to be loving and giving. In fact, it happens without even trying. It’s hard to get upset or frustrated or feel wronged by the woman who rocks your world and lets you rock hers as often as either of you wants. Let’s be honest, she could get by with just about anything now – and yet she doesn’t try, how’s that for awesome!)
9. Sex does NOT get old.
I used to wonder if we did it as often as I wanted if it would get boring. Would I start to want less? Would I start to want more variety? Neither of those is the case. When sex is really good, it goes way beyond the physical. Yes, the physical is fantastic, but there is far more to it, and the way you do it is just the doorway to all the awesome feelings. The “how” is far less important, because the “who” is so great.
10. I want to give her better sex than any woman has ever had in the history of the world.
Her pleasure is so enjoyable to me! The more she enjoys it, the better it is for me. I want to become the most incredible and skilled lover possible so I can give her as much joy and pleasure as she gives me. My goal is to make it so enjoyable she forgets her own name.
11. When a woman really enjoys sex, she knows how to make you feel crazy good.
Because she feels it, because she wants it, because she sometimes aches for it, she understands how I feel. She also understands how great it is to hear “lay back, I got this, this one is for you”. Having been on the receiving end of I-did-not-know-I-could-feel-that-way she wants me to have the same, and she will work hard to do it.
12. Yes, I am trying to make you jealous.
I want you to want this so much you will do what it takes to make it happen. Thing is, what makes it happen is NOT learning new sex tricks. Loving your wife sacrificially, studying her so you will know how to bless her, seeking her best and her happiness – these are the things that move her to a place of becoming a sex positive wife.
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