“Everyone Relax, I Got This.”

September 6, 2012

in Marriage Killer, Money, Series

As I said yesterday, we all have a natural desire to be in control. We want to be the master of our own destiny, so to speak. We want to do what we want to do, when and how we want to do it.

Control button | freedigitalphotos.net

Whatever it takes!

We understand marriage means we have to let go of some control, but more often than not there is something left after husband and wife have both given up as much control as they are willing to give up. The usual “solution” is to do everything we can to keep as much control as possible. That can look like any of the following:

  • Not giving necessary information to our spouse. If knowledge is power, then keeping knowledge to yourself means more control.
  • Not telling your spouse things common courtesy says you should. This is much like the above, but in “minor” things like never letting her know when you are running late, or that you are making an extra stop on your way some place. As above, the reason is the less she knows, the less control she can have.
  • Passive/aggressive behaviour, including refusing to answer her questions. Again, it is trying to limit control by limiting information.
  • Making decisions without discussing it with your spouse. Some men become very adept at arranging things so a decision is needed when she is not around.
  • Spending money without discussing it. Not small things, but things big enough it matters to the budget.
  • Keeping some money your spouse does not know about. Not pocket change, larger amounts.
  • Committing your spouse to something on her behalf, or as a couple, without discussing it with her.
  • Being intentionally unavailable when you know she needs something from you.
  • Holding out on some critical element of a project your spouse is doing – holding her up because she needs your part before she can move on.
  • Redefining things so you are right, or more important, or your way is superior. 
  • Promising the kids something without discussing it with your wife – especially if it commits her to doing something.

These are just a sample – you get the idea. Most of these are not direct, they are “sneaky” and frankly, dishonest. What are you doing to gain control?

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2 comments
Ted
Ted

I understand what you're getting at,however scripture does state that the husband is to rule the household.That is not to say he should do it simply to benefit himself, but for the good of everyone else. Too often men today either completely give in to their wives entirely, or abuse them. It is much easier to do nothing all the while being resentful, or completely disregard you wife's welfare.Like it or not ,as Christian men we are responsible to God for our wives and children.It is both a right and responsibility not to be taken lightly.

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  1. […] Relax, I Got This – Do you crave control? Not sure? Paul provides a great list for starters to see if you’re being stealth about this damaging trait. […]

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