I know, I know, you are the husband, which makes you the boss. The boss is clearly in control, so that means you are in control. The only control problem in marriages is women who do not know they their husband is in control!
A lot of us were taught something along these lines, but the Bible does not actually say it. The Bible says that the husband is to be a servant leader, just as Christ was a servant leader.
Some will argue Jesus is in control. Jesus Himself would disagree – He was very clear God was in control, while He, Jesus, only did what He saw God doing. Please don’t think this is just a technicality, it is a critical fact we MUST understand if we have any hope of being the kind of husband and servant leader God called us to be. Being the leader of your home is not about being in control, and it certainly is not about doing things the way you want them to be done. Jesus did not want to go to the cross, but He did. “Not my will but your will be done” is what each of us needs to say to God about how we lead our family. Jesus was willing to go as far as dying – how far are we willing to go for our wife and children?
The other thing about being a servant leader is following such a leader is optional. I am not saying it is optional if you want to be obedient to God, but there is no provision for the servant leader to enforce following. Just as Jesus will let us go our own way, we have to be willing to let our bride ignore our attempts to lead (there are additional responsibilities for children, so the situation with them is not as simple). If you are a true servant leader, and your wife chooses not to follow you – please pray for her, because it’s not going to go well for her. If you are behaving rightly, and she is not following you, it is God’s problem to deal with. On the other hand, if you are not leading properly, or are not leading at all, those are also God’s problems to deal with.
Enough on control – on to something new tomorrow!