Is your marriage well insulated?

September 13, 2012

in Good Marriage

Fall has arrived in our little corner of the world. We have had two frosts (I am getting tired of covering and uncovering things in the garden) and we have stopped leaving the windows open all night.

fibreglass insulation © Travelling-light | Dreamstime.com

Today on facebook I saw some of my local friends discussing the need to run their heat for the first time this morning. However, at the Byerly home we are a couple weeks from a bit of bedroom heat overnight, and perhaps a month from cranking up the wood stove. It is not because we take the cold better than others do (I am from Texas, they were born here!), rather, our house is very well insulated. Aside from the basement being almost all below ground, the windows are double pane and there is a ridiculous amount of insulation in the attic. Because of this, the house does a great job of retaining heat; we do not need to add heat as early, and when we do need heat we do not need to add as much.

This got me thinking about marriages. To be healthy a marriage needs to keep a good temperature – if it gets too cold, it is in trouble. The two ways of keeping a marriage’s temperature high are to generate heat, and retain heat. I think we need both parts – we cannot generate enough heat to keep an uninsulated marriage warm, and no amount of insulation will keep your marriage warm if you do not generate some heat. Without adequate insulation, you will have to work excessively to keep your marriage temperature where it needs to be, and sooner or later you will get too tried to keep it up. Without good insulation, even a short time of not generating heat will result in a cold marriage, while with better insulation the little problems of life that interfere with generating heat are far less of an issue.

How do you insulate your marriage? What could you do to better insulate it?

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4 comments
Love Letters
Love Letters

Would love you to speak in insulating for the burst of cold that comes monthly with menstruation. I want to handle the week of no sex/loving touch better than I do, but I know that there is more that she can do too. Can you offer tips on what I can ask of her (non sexual) to help the week go by faster, as well as tips on how to focus on loving her ahead of fixating on the fact that my desires are going untended to?

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Love Letters - First well done on wanting to do things to help her during her period. This is not an easy question, and it is far from a one size fits all thing. Some women find menstruation nothing more than a minor annoyance, while other suffer like Kat D has said. Even for the same women it varies from month to month and over the course of her reproductive life. Stress and lack of sleep make all the problems of her period worse, so helping her to get good sleep and reduce stress are a good idea. Try to be aware of her cycle and do your best to think about it when you plan activities that include her. Beyond that, ask her what she wants, what comforts her physically and mentally.

Kat D.
Kat D.

I'm a high drive woman with a low drive husband, so I get that it stinks to have to wait, but if you understood, I mean REALLY understood what happens during menstruation, you wouldn't be so cold yourself. It isn't just bleeding for a few days. Depending on the woman, it can be HELL for a week. Before I had children, mine were so bad I would have to be in bed for a day or two. The pain level was the same as labor. I know because I labored and delivered 4 children naturally. The high level of blood loss can cause anemia which makes her tired, weak and lack in concentration. Hormones do play a role in affecting mood. Headaches and body aches and exhaustion are common, too. You may as well count her as sick. When you have the flu, do you want someone all over you? If you've got a pounding headache, do you want your kids to leave you alone, or bounce on you? It stinks to wait, I know, but if you get frequent, great sex during the other 3 weeks, then please don't complain. Be happy we don't live under Old Testament Law where you couldn't touch her at all during the week and even the week after, I believe! My advice to you, as a woman, is instead of grumping about missing out for a week and what she should do about it, how about trying to help her through this difficult time. There are plenty of ways to help ease the insanity that's menstruation. Nutritional supplements, herbals, medications, relaxations, etc. Instead of focusing on YOUR needs, why not take the time to care for hers. You love her vagina, why not honor it when it is out of commission? Pamper your relationship and closeness by pampering her. Offer her a massage. Set out a bubble bath. Be sympathetic. Send her to bed to rest. Let her know how badly you feel that she's not feeling well and talk to her about ways to make it feel better every month. Now THERE'S some high R-factor insulation right there. If my husband did that instead of complain about me being "broken" (even though he refuses me over half the time and I've NEVER refused him), you can bet your bottom dollar that it'll be worth the wait!! Believe me, I hate the wait, too and am thankful that my body has changed since having children for the better and if hubby's not squeamish, we can have sex during the lighter flow days.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Kat D. - Yes, some women do have it very bad, and that's an issue any loving man needs to understand. What can be difficult for a man is when everything else in her life goes on, including very physical things, but she bans any mention of sex for a full week. It's hard to understand how everything else is okay, and sex is not - it feels like an excuse. Beyond that, if a woman has a very bad time of it, there are things a good doctor can do to help. They can't make it go away (well actually they can, and some women do that with drugs) but they can do a lot to make it better. No woman in our modern world should have to live with a week of hell each month.

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