When “they” say sex starts in the kitchen, they mean for women sex is connected to everything else she does with her guy.
This is especially true for touch; if she gets plenty of no-strings-attached touch, she is much farther along the “yeah, sex would be nice” path than if she does not get such touch. If she gets mostly strings-attached or openly sexual touch outside of the bedroom, she is likely to be on a different path all together.
When I say non-sexual, I mean it is not sexual for her, and she does not feel you 1) are doing it just for sex, and 2) are not getting all turned on by doing it. The first is, or should, be easy – it’s okay you want sex, but if you are doing things only to get sex, with no thought to making her feel good, you need to work on your concept of love. The second is more difficult, because let us face it, her body is hot, and touching it gets you thinking, which gets you horny. If she’s not fully dressed, you skip thinking and go straight to horny. I get it, but as a woman, she probably does not. The best you can do it not let her know it’s making you desire her even more, and avoid waving your desire in her face, if you follow me. I am not saying lie to her, just don’t make a big deal about it.
Good ways to give her the non-sexual touch she needs are:
- Hold hands. Simple and powerful. Do it when you walk together, when you watch television together, across the table, even at stop lights in the car.
- Your arm around her waist or shoulder when walking or sitting. As above, but more personal. Resist the urge to cop a feel!
- Foot rub. Feet get sore, and rubbing them helps. If she is ticklish, use a firm touch. This may be one of the “safest” touches you can offer her.
- Shoulder/Back rub. This is another tension issue, and again massage can really help. Learn where she hurts, and how to release the tension without significant pain. Do not drift too far around the sides towards her breasts, or down towards her butt, unless you KNOW BEYOND A DOUBT she would like it. I did not say be okay with it, I said like it.
- Snuggling. Okay, I know this is a turn on unless you just had sex – and maybe even then. For her snuggle may be sexual at times, but it is not always sexual. Assume it is not unless she gives you good reason to think otherwise. Resisting the urge to make it sexual is tough, but if it makes her feel more loved and comfortable it will result in her being more open to sex overall.