Sex Is Good!

October 21, 2012

in Links to good stuff, Series, Sexuality

The last two tags in my top seven are about sex, with two other tags about sex further down the list. All in all about 15% of my posts are about sex in one way or another. There are two reasons for this. First, we got our start on-line discussing sex from a Christian perspective – when almost no one else was crazy enough to do so. Second, I am convinced good sex is necessary for a good, healthy marriage. Today’s key point is sexISgood.

Couple in bed © Mast3r | Dreamstime.com

As I said when I laid out this series, “I do not see sex as the frosting on the cake; I see sex as a necessary part of a healthy marriage.” (Originally, I said “vital” rather than necessary. I have reworded it to be clearer.)

Can you be married without sex? Yes. Can you have a good, healthy marriage without sex? I doubt it; at least I do not think it could be nearly as good and healthy as it would be if sex were a part of the marriage. Sex is good because it draws a couple together. Sex is not just a way to feel pleasure between one’s legs; sex is a biologically complex act that releases a number of hormones and other chemicals into the body. Beyond what is caused by the sex act, when intercourse occurs without a condom hormones and chemicals from the man’s semen end up in the woman’s blood stream (see Is semen good for her mood???). Because of this, sex changes both our bodies and our minds, and binds a couple together in a number of ways. When sex only occurs in marriage, it creates an exclusive and unique relationship. Keeping this bond and relationship strong requires on-going sex because the sex act causes the hormones and chemicals that form the bond. The emotional effects of sex we enjoy so much are caused by those the hormones and chemicals – no sex, no emotional bond.

A good, regular sex life means a couple develops a very strong bond – a bond deeper and stronger than found in couples who do not have much of a sex life. Some will no doubt protest this, but the evidence is clear. Science tells us why it is true, and studies show couples with good sex lives are less likely to divorce. Add the fact God commands us to not refuse sex, and it is obvious sex is a big deal.

To me it is simple:

  • God intended us to have sex in marriage, so not having sex in marriage is wrong.
  • God designed sex to bond a couple, so a lack of sex means a poor bond.
  • Marital sex reduces the temptation of lust and sin, while a lack of marital sex increases those things.
  • God said not to refuse our spouse sexually, so refusing is wrong.
  • Sex is good; a lack of sex is bad.

Unfortunately, there are those who want to make sex a minor part of marriage – nice if you have it, okay if you do not. There are those who want to label anyone who wants more sex as a pervert, or selfish – even when “more sex” means more than a couple of times a month. There are those who want us to believe sex is for newly-weds and we out grow it as we “mature”. Others are not openly against sex, but they push it so far down the priority list it almost never happens. While I doubt any of these people intend to attack, harm, or destroy marriages, those things are the only logical result of their words and actions.

Note: Support for some of what I have said here can be found in the following posts – The best sex act?Sex – important to husbands and wivesWould more sex make you happier? Studies say yesSex – holy, or necessary evil? 

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Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

 

Black and Married with Kids

Being a “Know It All” is Not Cute in Marriage ◄ This a very important article!
4 Ways to Show Your Appreciation Daily ◄ All winners!


The Generous Wife

Little Expressions of Love ◄ Stock up now!
The Up and Down Side of Widget ◄ A marriage lesson from our new dog.
Something Special ◄ A good thought, and great cookies!


Hot, Holy and Humorous

My Sex Life Isn’t Perfect ◄ Imperfect sex can still be awesome sex!


Intimacy in Marriage

Too Late To Improve Love and Sex in Your Marriage? Maybe Not! ◄ This guy finally got it, now he really gets it!
Why the Excuse “Sex Isn’t a Need” Doesn’t Hold Water ◄ This rant from Julie fits well with my rant above.
Gateway to Great Sex With Your Husband? ◄ Written by and for ladies, but a good read.


Journey to Surrender

The Most Important Intimate Connection of All ◄ This post also has a link to the full 13 day challenge that Scott did earlier this month. Due to unknown technical issues I did not see that series as it unfolded, and thus did not share it. It is well worth your time!


Marriage Life

Puppies & Priorities ◄ If you have a “puppy” you need to get serious about protecting it.


Marriage Missions International

Taking an OPPOSITE Approach ◄ Often a great solution.
Your Personal Ten Marriage Commandments ◄ This exercise could save you a lot of problems!!!


It’s a Grey Issue ◄ Shannon Ethridge’s new book takes a hard look at fantasy. Kate has a good review of The Fantasy Fallacy.


refine us

You Have to Choose It ◄ Another bloggers take on “I choose”.


The Respected Husband

Changing Your Attitude: The 80/20 Marriage Rule ◄ This is a brilliant post – read and heed!


Romantic Act of the Day

Don’t Let Her Actions Affect Your Romance ◄ Easier said than done, but very powerful when you manage it.


The Romantic Vineyard

Have I Disappointed You? ◄ A good question to ask from time to time. Then REALLY listen …
On Bored ◄ This could get very interesting …

7 comments
thenakedhobbit
thenakedhobbit

Thanks for a great article. My wife and I have just undergone a major change in our relationship that completely disrupted the status quo - and will probably end up beneficial. We've had no sex life for more years than I can count. I've been dealing with it passively and - thanks to our life-upheaval - can no longer do that. We had to confront and deal with this - and it's rooted in our sex lives. We are coming from two opposite ends of the spectrum. She is a puritanical as I have ever seen anyone outside of a convent. I am ... not. We are attempting to meet in the middle - with God there - and your site is perfect for where we are now. Thank you! 

hispresence
hispresence

thanks a lot. the site, themarriedbed.com is balanced and scriptural. the maze in this arguments is the unnecessary classifications, viz oral sex, anal sex. Generous husband any sincere married man who experiences satisfactory sex will admit that all in the splitting are to a small or large extent a component of PIV. they enhance PIV. THEY DO NOT SUBSTITUTE IT. one discovers that there is a stage in normal sex when a woman mutually accepts restriction of her movements in other to enhance thrusting and receiving of the thrust. but now people carried it into tying(Bondage, Spanking and BDSM) anal stimulation is carried into penile penetration of the anus. do you some women admire their husband more when they are manly enough and to them it is a turn-on. now it is has been nick-named domestic discipline. God is against any act that challenges his wisdom in creation-ANAL SEX.

hispresence
hispresence

you seem not to have any view on ANAL SEX? i would like your view on this.

tamrldlef
tamrldlef

So what do you do when you haven't had sex for at least 2 years? What do you do when you wife thinks any non sexual sort of touch that you give is "at the wrong moment"? What do you do when you did have sex it was awkward and or painful for your spouse? What do you do when she doesn't want to do anything because she doesn't have an emotional bond. She doesn't want to feel like an object.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@thenakedhobbit Sometimes the status quo is the problem, sometimes it just keep things from changing. Glad something shook it up, and praying for a better new normal.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

tamrldlef - I would be clear that the current situation is wrong and unacceptable. Be all about getting help, and don't shut up about it. That does not mean help to get her to say yes to sex, it means help for all the problems in your marriage, including the sexual ones. If you keep letting it go, it will never change, and the longer you allow it to go on, the harder it's going to be to deal with it. Be lovingly firm that it MUST be dealt with.

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