Sex for Her

October 22, 2012

in Better Sex in 2012, Series, Sexuality

The last of my seven key points is sex4her. Sex is not just for men, God intended women to enjoy it too. How can I say that? Because His design leaves no other rational conclusion. While female orgasm is not necessary for conception, the clitoris has no purpose other than pleasure. Additionally, women can have multiple orgasms, their orgasms tend to last longer than the male version, and when they have a good orgasm it is far stronger than anything a man will ever experience.

Couple after great sex © Georgii Dolgykh | Dreamstime.com

Yet, many women are not enjoying sex, or at least they are not enjoying it nearly as much as they should. There are several issues here – men who do not really try, men who do not know what to do, and women who resist or limit sex. I will devote a post to each of these.

Men who don’t really try:

It is tempting to say rude things about a man who does not make a solid effort to give his wife as much sexual pleasure as she can handle. Certainly, some men in this category are guilty of selfishness, but there are other possibilities:

  • He has no idea what to do, and is not getting any help or feedback from his bride. (See Tuesday’s post)
  • His bride has shown no interest in sex. (See Wednesday’s post)
  • Exposure to porn has given him a greatly skewed idea of what a woman wants sexually, and how a woman should react to various sexual situations. If you keep trying what you “know”, and it does not work, you eventually just give up.
  • He is so sexually starved he cannot see past the end of his own – ah… nose. This is not a valid excuse, but it is easy to understand why it happens. If you have this problem, at the very least you need to be all about her pleasure after you get your pleasure.
  • He has bought into the lie women do not really care for sex much. This lie is still circulating in the church, with both men and women spreading it. If he thinks she is “supposed to”spread her legs and just lie there, he does not even know there is a problem.
  • Premarital experience has convinced him women do not care much about sex or they do not enjoy sex very much. Often women see sex as the price they must pay for dates, or to get a husband, and this does not inspire passion or pleasure on her part.
  • Fear. Yup, just plain afraid of what a turned on wife would be like. I do not know how common this is, but I have had a couple of guys express this concern to me saying “What is she starts to want more than I do” or “What if I can’t keep up” or “What if I can’t satisfy her?” If a man sees her enjoying sex as Pandora’s Box, you can understand why he might try to avoid her enjoying sex.
  • Laziness. In general, women need more time and attention to get aroused and to climax. A man who got used to his own pace during years of masturbation may find her pace frustrating. If he does not understand this is a normal male/female difference he may think there is something wrong with her, or she does not desire orgasm.

If you are not giving your wife all the effort needed to make sex fantastic for her, please ask yourself why. She needs and deserves to enjoy sex as much (probably more) than you do. Do not be the reason she is not enjoying sex to the fullest.

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4 comments
Gadgetmen6
Gadgetmen6

I really enjoy pleasuring my wife. I want her to climax first every time all though she does not want to every time. I used to try to talk her into it every time until I understood that it wasn't as be of a deal to her but we are hoping that that will change since we are working on getting her to want sex and enjoy sex more. Some times I would be happy just to satisfy her even if I didn't get to finish.

L
L

I'm looking forward to the next two posts as I think I fall in between those two groups. I feel like I try pretty hard, but I still haven't been able to do enough to get her to want it. I'm at the point now where she's able to get some pleasure almost every time. I guess it's just not enough. Your posts about working on changing yourself have been a big help, and I've been trying to be more active in keeping the house clean as I know that's very important to her.

livinginblurredlines
livinginblurredlines

Hit home HARD! My hubby is a mix of skewed Hollywood, church/homelife teachings, laziness, Pandora's box...and maybe porn/masturbation. He has told me that I take too long (about 20 minutes), that I need to figure out what's wrong, that my orgasm is more my responsibility, and that I want one all the time. No, I don't want one every single time. Sometimes I just want him to take me. But when I go without an O 99% of the time, of course I'm going to need more!! And want more!! We have talked about this, but we are at an impass. Things have gotten better, but I want to cry every time a read a comment from a husband who says that he loves giving his wife pleasure and sending her through the roof in ecstasy. Because mine, while I love him so very much, doesn't seem to enjoy or want to make sure I am pleasured. And I don't understand because he loves me....but I think he loves me mostly because of what I do for him and how I make him feel....if I really look back, his outpouring of love for me is, well, all about him.

TGriz
TGriz

Sorry to hear about your situation. As a man that really enjoys sex, I want my wife have an orgasm every single time we are intimate. I figure the more she enjoys it the more she will want to be intimate so the more sex I'll get. I don't quite understand men that don't make an effort for their wives to get the most out of their times of intimacy. Even looking at it from a simplistic, selfish point of view the happier she is sexually the more sex the husband will get.

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