The basic idea of assuming love it to assume your spouse is acting out of love, not malice. Make this your default, go to assumption, with the fall back being they just were not thinking, or have no idea how their actions made you feel.
Yes, this can be difficult, and sometimes the most obvious assumption is something other than love. So, let me give you a few good reasons why you should assume love:
- You have little to lose by assuming love. If your wife proves her actions were not loving, you can deal with that, and you have not really lost power by initially assuming love. (In fact, I’d say you gain power with this assumption!)
- If you assume something other than love, and you are wrong, you do lose something. At the very least, you look bad, and you almost certainly hurt your relationship.
- Human nature is to live up to or down to expectations. Given this, love is a great expectation to offer.
- If love is not a safe thing to assume, your marriage is in very bad shape you need to get help IMMEDIATELY! Think about it a bit; what would it mean if assuming love were not reasonable? Has she really given you good reason to assume she usually does not act out of love? If so, get help, if not, stop assuming the worse.
You might argue there are places where she has proven she does not usually act out of love. This may be so, but always assuming the worse is a good way to ensure it is what you get. You might go with “assume but verify” but do not do the verifying in an abrupt, in your face way.