My wife puts up with me

October 29, 2012

in Be a grownup, Gratitude, Seeing Clearly, Understanding Her

My wife puts up with me.

It’s not that I am a horrible person, but I know I can be a challenge. I see life as an adventure looking for a place to happen, and I feel obligated to make room for as much adventure as possible. In addition, I figure if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right. Case in point, last weekend I spent a good deal of time turning sixty pounds of home-grown tomatoes into 7 gallons of tomato puree. This tied up the kitchen for a good while, and I required help from my bride a couple of times.

Tomatoes www.flickr.com/photos/pocius/

My point here is we are all complex people, and the “other side” of something we like in our spouse can be something we have to put up with at times. You married her because she was so outgoing, but her always wanting to go out sometimes wearies you. She married you because you had the self-control and money sense she lacked, but she gets upset when you are “stingy”. She married you because she loved how creative you are, but it comes with a messy side that drives her crazy.

Behaviours, personality types, and other preferences have both up and down sides. Expecting your spouse to remove the “annoying part” while maintaining the part you like is asking something impossible. The best option is to accept the parts you could do without as part of the whole. Focus on the good, and downplay the annoyances. My bride has been greatly enjoying some of the best tomato basil soup ever made. She also says she loves the adventures I get her into – at least most of them, and she is never bored (even if she might like to be on occasion).

If the annoying side is destructive, to her, or you, or others, or if it just bothers you so much you cannot ignore it, ask her to tone it down some – but understand it’s part of the whole and not easily limited.

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2 comments
Erin (Mystery32)
Erin (Mystery32)

So true! We are all annoying in some way or another. And wow, you have me craving tomato basil soup now! Sounds good!

Cindy & Steve Wright - Marriage Missions
Cindy & Steve Wright - Marriage Missions

This is so good Paul. It's something that many couples neglect to realize. What's especially funny is that my husband just did something that irritated me,. He apologized saying, "I know I do things, which drive you crazy. I'm sorry." To that, I replied, "I do things that drive you crazy too... it's all part of living together in marriage. I'm sorry, as well." And then I read this blog and laughed. Yep! It's all part of the package of living in authentic relationship. We appreciate your blog, Paul.

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