Keep doing it till your spouse changes?

November 5, 2012

in Be a grownup, Change, Seeing Clearly

I suspect most of us have heard that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (credited to non-other than Albert Einstein). Yet, most of us have been known to get stuck in this kind of insane loop in our marriage.

 Albert Einstein © http://www.flickr.com/photos/home_of_chaos/

Why should I expect my bride to react in a new way if I do the same thing over, and over, and over? If I do not like what she does, why do I keep doing the thing that results in her doing what I do not like? Should my complaining about her reaction result in her changing it? Maybe, but if that does not happen should I expect on-going complaining to make a difference? The on-going complaining is another example of doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome!

I have seen couples get stuck in this, and sometimes I think it comes down to pride. Neither wants to be the one to change, to back down. So, they keep doing something neither of them likes in some vain hope that their spouse will change. What they really want is to break their spouse! Maybe they do not see it that way, but what else can we call it?

Others have put it this way “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” Clearly if you want something else, you have to do something else. Maybe you have to try a number of something else’s to get a result you like better, but the option is to keep doing what you know does not work. 

Image Credit: © Abode of Chaos

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