If you love your wife, but she does not feel loved, which of you is right? You know you love her, making it “reality” but if she does not feel loved then her perception is the reality in which she lives – a reality in which you don’t love her, or she is not sure you love her.
Yes, it is deeply frustrating. You can argue with her about it, but that will not help. In fact, arguing will probably make things worse. Alternately, you can figure out what would communicate love to your bride so she perceives your reality and starts feeling loved.
This is the idea behind Gary D Chapman’s best-selling book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts; we “hear” love in different ways, and communicating love effectively requires you do so in the love language your spouse hears. If you have never read the book, I cannot recommend it strongly enough. It is neither a long nor difficult read, and if you get and apply what it says your wife should start to feel more loved in short order.
Bottom line: If you love your wife, but she does not feel loved, or does not feel as loved as you know you love her, her perception is the reality you must change. Do not get mad at her, figure out what you can do to show her the love you feel in a way she will perceive.