If you loved me, you would agree the sky is falling.

November 16, 2012

in Be a grownup, Seeing Clearly, Shared walk, YOU4HER

It is very rare that I get depressed or overwhelmed, but when I do, my perception becomes a horrible reality in my mind. 

My bride, God bless her, always tries to counter this by showing me things that are not all doom and gloom, and by trying to show me another perspective along with solutions and choices. IT IS DEEPLY ANNOYING in the moment, but very helpful and I greatly appreciate it (just do not tell her that!)

Doom & Gloom  or Another Perspective © Sanadesign | Dreamstime.com

While it is true that our perception does frame our reality, we do not have to be slaves to that. We can think and reason, we can examine other possibilities; we can try to look from a different perception. Doing this alone is difficult to impossible as we are stuck in the reality of our perception. A loving, trusted spouse can help with this, offering a different perspective for consideration. You can do this for your bride, if she knows she can trust you, and she can do it for you if you trust her and will allow her to help. Yes, it can be annoying, but the results can be far better than not doing it.

Note: Thanks to those of you who jumped on my call for help yesterday!

Image Credit: © Sanadesign | Dreamstime.com


I tried for years to always offer my husband a different perspective, but it would leave him feeling angry and devalued. I realized (finally) that given his childhood trauma of verbal abuse, I needed to acknowledge his feelings rather than dismiss them. He always felt that I was "taking the other person's side" or just not allowing him to have feelings. So, yes, while offering a different perspective can be valuable, you need to know your spouse and know when you just need to validate that their feelings are okay. Often my husband has even said to me, "I know this isn't reality, but this is how I'm feeling." I listen and say, "I can see how you're feeling that way. I'm sorry that you're (hurting, angry, frustrated)."

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

workinprogress - This is a great example of learning your spouse and their unique needs and feelings. Well done!

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