If you loved me, you would agree the sky is falling.

November 16, 2012

in Be a grownup, Seeing Clearly, Shared walk, YOU4HER

It is rare for me to get depressed or overwhelmed, but when I do, my perception becomes a horrible reality in my mind. 

My bride, God bless her, always tries to counter this by showing me things are not all doom and gloom.  She ties to show me another perspective, along with solutions and choices. IT IS DEEPLY ANNOYING in the moment, but very helpful and I greatly appreciate it. (Just don’t tell her I said so!)

Doom & Gloom  or Another Perspective © Sanadesign | Dreamstime.com

While it is true our perception does frame our reality, we do not have to be slaves to it. We can think and reason. We can examine other possibilities. We can try looking at things from a different perception. Doing this on our own is difficult because we are stuck in the reality of our perception. A loving, trusted spouse can help, offering a different perspective for our consideration. You can do this for your bride, if she knows she can trust you, and she can do it for you if you trust her and allow her to help. Yes, it can be annoying, but the results can be far better than not doing it.

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2 comments
workinprogress
workinprogress

I tried for years to always offer my husband a different perspective, but it would leave him feeling angry and devalued. I realized (finally) that given his childhood trauma of verbal abuse, I needed to acknowledge his feelings rather than dismiss them. He always felt that I was "taking the other person's side" or just not allowing him to have feelings. So, yes, while offering a different perspective can be valuable, you need to know your spouse and know when you just need to validate that their feelings are okay. Often my husband has even said to me, "I know this isn't reality, but this is how I'm feeling." I listen and say, "I can see how you're feeling that way. I'm sorry that you're (hurting, angry, frustrated)."

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

workinprogress - This is a great example of learning your spouse and their unique needs and feelings. Well done!

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