Have you ever felt like “apologising” by saying something like “I’m sorry you’re crazy” or “I’m so sorry you took what I said completely out of context” or even “I’m sorry you don’t understand basic English”?
Sometimes those things seem to be the only explanation for our spouse being upset/hurt by something we have said or done. We wonder how any sane person could think or feel what they are thinking or feeling based on what we said or did. Have you ever thought:
- Knowing how I feel about her, how could she think I meant ______?
- Does she think I am a selfish jerk?
- Does she not have any trust at all for me?
- Does she think I am stupid?
- IS SHE ON DRUGS?!!
Okay, I get it, I really do. However, I suspect she has had some or all of those same thoughts about you on occasion, and at least some of the time she was probably justified in having those thoughts. Just because something is obvious to you does not mean it is obvious to her, and vice versa. Unless she has given you good reason to honestly doubt her sanity, assume her acting “crazy” is about not understanding, or stress, or hormones. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and give her the kindness and patience you would like from her when she has good reason to wonder if you are crazy.