Kick-off of the 2013 Awesome Husband Project

January 2, 2013

in 2013 Awesome Husband, Change, Seeing Clearly

When I mentioned the 2013 Awesome Husband Project last month, I said, “making it happen will take time and hard work, but it will happen if you decide to make it happen, and it will not happen if you do not decide to make it happen. The only thing standing in your way of being a great husband is you. Your life situation and lack of time will not stop you. Your finances and health cannot stop you. Even your past sins and what your wife thinks of you will not stop you. Fear of any of those things may keep you from doing it, or cause you to try half-heartedly, or start and then give up, but those things cannot stop you.”

2013 Awesome Husband Project © Paul H. Byerly

Let me hit those points for a moment, because they are important. First what you must do:

  • Time and work: Change is never easy; it will take effort. If you do not commit to working at it, you will fail.
  • Choose: Not choosing to do it, is choosing not to do it.
  • You are the only obstacle: Selfishness and laziness will cause failure, but if you choose to do it, you will succeed …

The things that are not in your way:

  • Your life situation cannot stop you: Things like age and education are irrelevant. I have known awesome husbands of all ages, and I have known some very simple men who were awesome husbands.
  • Lack of time is not a deal breaker: As long as you actually spend time with your wife, you can be awesome. Men who are working 40 hours a week and doing full time school can be great husbands, and men deployed nine months a year can be as well. Never being together is a problem you would need to deal with, but other wise, it’s not an problem.
  • Finances are not an issue: Being awesome does not require money. Gifts and trips are nice, but you can be a great husband without them. What’s more, you can do those things and be a horrible husband!
  • Poor health cannot stop you: I have known men with horrible injuries and chronic pain who were considered amazing by their wives.
  • Past sins cannot keep you from succeeding: Yes, you may need to dig out of a hole, but nothing in your past keeps you from being wonderful in your future.
  • Your wife’s opinion of you cannot stop you: Here is the big one – your wife is not the ultimate judge of awesome. Obviously, you want her to think you are awesome, but her opinion is not the final word on the subject. What if her idea of awesome is “loving her enough” to let her use drugs, or shoplift, or sleep around? What if she puts things ahead of honesty, or her desires ahead of the kids well-being? These are extreme examples, but they clearly make the point. Of course the temptation is to say “I’m awesome she’s just too selfish/stupid to see it” and then go on being far less than awesome. It is also tempting to focus on the many areas where you are awesome while ignoring areas where you’re blowing it.

Okay, now tell me why I’m wrong. Really, comments or email, tell me why one or more of these things makes it impossible for you to become an awesome husband.

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5 comments
Ron
Ron

I can relate to Evan's concern. However even if I am nearly 72 and have battled depression for 5 years I am determined to be an awesome husband. My wife is already an awesome wife, I just need to get over the jealousy and depression and make it too.

Evan
Evan

Yes, you are right! Now I'll tell you why it won't work for me. It would take a lot of effort, and I am old and tired enough that I don't have much energy anymore; and enough that I don't even really care much about anything anymore. Perhaps to the point that I have become lazy. That, I certainly never used to be, but I am about worn out. So, you are right; I am the one who will be in my way!

quercus
quercus

What IS the definition of "awesome husband", then? Seems like a goal should have something that is measurable & achievable about it, yes?

Evan
Evan

I am 57 and realized a few years ago that I have actually battled depression since at least high school! I have won so far! Never had a doctor tell me that; but then when does it take a doctor to know that! I would know it a long time before he would.

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