Had some good comments on yesterday’s “hangry” post. One comment said, in part “What about other types of hunger? For example, there are those of us who hunger for physical intimacy with our spouse. When unfulfilled, that, too, can make us grumpy. It can make it difficult for us to hear what our spouses say, or to interpret it outside of our hunger…”
There is certainly some merit to this, but it gets a bit less clear when there are no proven physiological triggers such as what low blood sugar does to us.
In theory, we should all be loving and kind all the time, always turning the other cheek and giving the benefit of the doubt. In practice, we are all human, and we will sometimes fail to overcome the things that make us edgy, grumpy, angry, unaware, impatient and so on.
In my mind, the wise thing to do is to look at times when tempers flare or arguments start, and try to find common events or situations leading up to the problem. One commenter said cold is a problem for her, and one fellow who commented elsewhere said being thirsty left him more open to anger. Examine yourself and your spouse, looking for things that might be making either of you more easily given to anger. Then try to find ways to avoid the problem. Either avoid the situation that escalates things, or avoid difficult discussion and arguments when that situation is in play.
Another commenter asked how to discuss this with a spouse who is in denial about it. Saying, “You are just hungry” when they are angry due to being hungry is likely to make them angrier. My suggestion would be to discuss it at another time. Try something like “it seems to me we argue more when one or both of us had not eaten in a while”. This makes it a cause and effect type thing rather than sounding like you are blaming your spouse. If that fails, gently and kindly mention it each time you see it happening.
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