In yesterday’s post, I said it was vital for us to know and communicate why we do things. When the how flows from the why, we have much greater success than when the how flows from the what. This is true of pretty much everything in our lives, and it’s certainly true for our marriages.
Let me give you a few what/why combinations to get you thinking:
- What: Be a better husband.
- Poor Why: So my wife will be better to me.
- Good Why: To bless my wife.
- What: Stop looking at porn.
- Poor Why: So my wife will stop complaining.
- Good Why: Because I realise it is wrong, and it hurts me, my wife, and God.
- What: Pray more for my family.
- Poor Why: Make my accountability partner happy.
- Good Why: Understanding it really makes a difference.
- What: Take care of my home.
- Poor Why: What the neighbours think.
- Good Why: A sense of stewardship.
- What: Spend more time with my wife and/or kids.
- Poor Why: Guilt.
- Good Why: Understanding how it will benefit them and me.
Can you see how the good and poor “whys” change the motivation, and the chances of success? Can you see how different whys could lead to very different ways to make those things happen?