When to ask for something new in bed

January 19, 2013

in Communication, Reader Requested, Sexuality

Someone recently asked about the best time to ask one’s wife for something new/different in bed.

Hot Sex © Jörg Beuge | Dreamstime.com

There are two ways to go with this, and which is best will depend on your wife. With most women, you can benefit from the way arousal affects their minds, making the first the better option. You may want to use both methods, and you will need to figure out which of the two should be first.

  • During sex: Suggest something (as opposed to asking, which can easily sound like demanding) when she is good and aroused, but has not gone far enough that she is focused on her climax. In other words, benefit from the fact that arousal makes her more open to what you suggest, but do it before she is so intent on getting to orgasm that you might distract her. The best approach is probably to say something along the lines of “sometime it might be fun to ______” which leaves her open to say, “let’s try that now” or to think on it for another time. You might be a bit more forward by saying “do you think you would like ______” or “how would you feel about ______”?
  • Apart from sex: This does not mean after sex (a very bad time for most) or shortly before. This works best with women who easily feel pressured about sex, or who are easily distracted during sex, resulting in difficulty with climax. Again, you want to suggest and open it up for discussion rather than sounding at all demanding. If you can tie it into recent sex that would be good “The other night when we ______ I thought it might be nice to ______.”

Regardless of when and how you suggest things, realise that she may need to hear it a couple of times and think about it awhile. If you push too hard or too fast, you may ensure she won’t try something she would have come to see as a good idea to explore.

Image Credit: © Jörg Beuge | Dreamstime.com


I wouldn't mind being asked the same day after sex in the morning, as I am usually super aroused shortly thereafter, and keep having "aftershocks" for quite some time after. :)

Previous post:

Next post: