Two weeks ago, I discussed the fact that having a lot of sex (daily or more) could add years to your life. I know a lot of you thought, “That’s nice, but my wife will never go for that.” While this is no doubt true for some, I suspect many have built lives that have no time or room for much more sex.
If by “sex” we mean a quickie where you climax and she feels used, then sure, most of us could do more of that. But what if you want more quality sex? What if your goal is sex that is deeply enjoyed by both you and your wife? Most women need a minimum of half an hour for good sex. That means it takes at least half an hour for the kind of sex that benefits her and makes her want more of the same. What’s more, that half an hour is just what it takes in the bedroom. For a woman to want and enjoy sex she needs to feel connected with her man. She also needs time to relax and unwind before sex, and the busier her day is, the more time she needs. Many women are far too busy and stressed to have or enjoy more sex, no matter how much they may want or need it.
The fact is many couples have built lives that do not have the time and room necessary for more sex. In fact, many have a declining sex life because they do not have the time and room to sustain what they currently have. If your life does not have time and room for more sex, then you are never going to have more sex. I am not promising that making time and room will mean more sex, but not making time and room guaranties you will not have more, and probably means less and less going forward. If you want any hope of more or better sex, you must make space for it in your life. If you are not making that space, it means you do not really want more, or you are unwilling to do what it takes to have more.
Are you thinking it does not matter because your wife hates sex? Most men who think this are wrong. Yes, there are sexually wounded women, but a fair number either want or would be open to more sex if their marriage had time and room. Surveys suggest that in 20% of marriages both the husband and the wife would like to have more sex. Add to that women who would start to want more, or be willing to have more if their marriage changed, and we see that lack of time and room are major causes of low sex marriages.
So what do you need to make time and room for a healthy marriage and sex life? I touched on this with my The problem of “my time” post, and will share some additional thoughts in the next few days.
A note to wives: If your husband is the one saying no to sex, lack of room and time may well be an issue. Men are generally less affected by this, but are not immune to it.