Two weeks ago, I discussed the fact having a lot of sex (daily or more) could add years to your life. I know a lot of you thought, “That’s nice, but my wife will never go for it.” While this is no doubt true for some, I suspect the bigger issue is many have built lives lacking enough time for more sex.
If by “sex” we mean a quickie where you climax and she feels used, then sure, most of us could do more. But what if you want more quality sex? What if your goal is sex you and your wife can both enjoyed? Most women need a minimum of half an hour for good sex. That means it takes at least half an hour for the kind of sex that benefits her and makes her want more of the same. What’s more, half an hour is just what it takes in the bedroom. For a woman to want and enjoy sex she needs to feel connected with her man. She also needs time to relax and unwind before sex, and the busier her days, the more time she needs to relax. Many (most?) women are far too busy and stressed to have or enjoy more sex, no matter how much they may want or need it.
The fact is many couples lives don’t leave the time and room necessary for more sex. Many have a declining sex life because they don’t have the time and room to sustain what they currently have. If your life does not have time and room for more sex, you’re never going to have more sex. I’m not promising making time and room will mean more sex, but not making time and room guaranties you’ll have no more, and probably means less and less going forward. If you want any hope of more or better sex, you must make space for it in your life. If you are not making space, it means you don’t really want more. You must be willing to do what it takes to have more.
Are you thinking it doesn’t matter because your wife hates sex? Most men who think this are wrong. Yes, there are sexually wounded women, but a fair number either want or would be open to more sex if their marriage had time and room. Surveys suggest in 20% of marriages both the husband and the wife would like to have more sex. Add the women who would start to want more, or be willing to have more, if their marriage changed, and we see lack of time and room are major causes of low sex marriages.
So what do you need to do to make time and room for a healthy marriage and sex life? I touched on this with my The problem of “my time” post, and will share some additional thoughts in the next few days.
A note to wives: If your husband is the one saying no to sex, lack of room and time may well be an issue. Men are generally less affected by this, but are not immune to it.