Is your virtual life harming your real life?

January 30, 2013

in Beyond the Marriage, Marriage Killer, Quality Time, Reader Requested

Do you have a virtual life? Is it hurting your real life?

Social media © Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot | freedigitalphotos.net

I have been “on-line” since 1993, and doing message boards and other forms of virtual social life since 1997. It is because of that experience that we have long understood the potential danger of a virtual life. From its first version, the TMB Statement of Faith has included the following:

“We believe that God commands us to attend and support a local body of believers for teaching, worship, prayer and fellowship. Nothing, including the web, can replace face-to-face fellowship with other believers.”

The web is a great tool, and like all tools it can be used for good or evil, it can help or harm. Virtual relationships are especially prone to problems. Misunderstandings are common, offences are taken where none was intended, and feelings of friendship can be forged over a very narrow slice of life apart from any other context of the people involved. On-line friendships can feel very real, but rarely are they based on a realistic awareness of who the people involved really are.

On-line “friendships” can steal a lot of time from real life relationships, including one’s spouse. I saw this first hand years ago, and the marriage involved did not survive. On-line time has started being mentioned in divorces, and I would bet most ministers and counsellors who deal with marriages could tell stories about marriages stressed and even broken by the virtual life of one of the partners.

Several studies, including one in the news the last few days, have suggested that there is a correlation between time spent on social media and depression. I doubt it is as simple as more social media means you are more likely to be depressed, but it seems to me there is no question that our virtual lives can make our real lives seem worse. Additionally, if a virtual life becomes an escape from real life, it will act like a drug or any other addition used to numb the pain of life. In small doses that might help, but usually it means spending less time dealing with the problems of real life, which makes those problems get worse.

I am all for facebook, twitter, and all the rest, but like all things we need balance and self-control. And, as with most things, if you can’t exercise self-control, giving it up completely is the only wise alternative.

Image Credit: © Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot | freedigitalphotos.net

 

2 comments
Yele
Yele

I agree with you. It is important that we review our usage of these apps regularly and the effect they have on our marriage and relationships.

Brett
Brett

"...if you can’t exercise self-control, giving it up completely is the only wise alternative." Paul, you are exactly correct. A few years ago, I found that my life (and marriage) was being consumed by my inability (or perhaps unwillingness?) to properly regulate my time and relationships on Facebook and other social media. I eventually realized that I would be better off to simply go cold-turkey and delete my accounts. It wasn't easy at first, but I have never regretted it. The Lord has blessed that decision and my marriage because of it.

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