It’s a day supposedly all about romantic love, so celebrating it with your wife will certainly include sex, right?
If that’s your experience, count your blessings, thank your wife for being awesome, and join me again Sunday. Otherwise…
I hear this often – a guy can’t get sex on Valentine’s, or his birthday, or their anniversary, or Groundhog’s Day, or International Bacon Day (August 31st this year, BTW), or some other important holiday. I mean what’s a celebration without sex, right?
Okay humour aside, I understand why men (and some women) think not having sex on a day dedicated to love and romance is weird and a rather bad sign. Men see sex as one of the more powerful ways of showing love, and when it’s not a part of the day we wonder just how deep and real the love is.
Can you help your wife understand this? Maybe. If it sounds to her like you are using Valentine’s as “one more excuse” to get sex, your situation is probably beyond her being able to hear you. (Even then, it may still worth a try – call it a teachable moment.)
How successful you are will depend, in part, on what she hears. Please note what she hears may not be what you say or mean. She’s going to filter what you say through her past, her feelings, her hurts, and so on. You can’t prevent that, but if you think it through you can word it so she’s less likely to hear something you’re not saying. Exact wording will vary from woman to woman, and you know her better than anyone else does, so it’s really up to you. That said, a few thoughts:
- Most women do not like sarcasm.
- Humour might help, but it is more likely to hurt. You don’t want her to think you see sex, or her feelings, as a joking matter.
- She is far more concerned about your emotions than your body.
- You don’t want her to think you’re saying sex proves love. Saying sex is a way of showing love is a better plan.
- Telling her you feel close and intimate after sex is good, provided your actions back it up. Neither falling asleep nor asking for a sandwich after sex does this, while staying awake to snuggle or talk does.
- If Valentine’s sex is about love and your relationship, it’s not the day to get something special just for you.