It is a day that is supposed to be all about love, so celebrating it with your wife will certainly include sex, right?
If that is your experience, count your blessings, thank your wife for being awesome, and join me again Sunday. Otherwise…
I hear this often, that a guy cannot get sex on Valentine’s – or his birthday, or their anniversary, or Groundhog’s Day, or International Bacon Day (August 31st this year, BTW), or some other important holiday. I mean what is a celebration without sex, right?
Okay humour aside, I understand why men (and some women) think it is weird and a rather bad sign to not have sex on a day that is supposed to be all about love and romance. We see sex as one of the more powerful ways of showing love, and when that is not a part of the day it makes us wonder just how deep and real the love is.
Can you help your wife to understand this? Maybe. If it sounds to her like you are using Valentine’s as “one more excuse” to get sex, your situation is probably beyond her being able to hear you. (Even then, it is probably still worth a try – call it a teachable moment.)
How successful you are is going to depend, in part, on what she hears. Please note that what she hears may not be what you say or mean. She is going to filter what you say through her past, her feelings, her hurts, and so on. You cannot prevent that, but if you think it through you can word it so she is less likely to hear something you are not saying. Exact wording is going to vary from woman to woman, and you know her better than anyone else does, so it is really up to you. That said, a few thoughts:
- Most women do not like sarcasm in general.
- Humour might help, but it is more likely to hurt. You do not want her to think you see sex, or her feelings, as a joking matter.
- She is far more concerned about your emotions than your body.
- You do not want her to think you saying that sex proves love. We all know a lot of sex has nothing to do with love.
- Saying that sex is a way of showing love is a better plan.
- Telling her you feel close and intimate after sex is good, provided your actions back that up. Neither falling asleep nor asking for a sandwich after sex does this, while staying awake to snuggle or talk does.
- If Valentine’s sex is about love and your relationship, it is not the day to get something special just for you.