If You Think Valentine’s Matters too Much to Her

February 4, 2013

in Understanding Her

On Saturday I commented that many men feel not having sex on Valentine’s Day is a bad commentary on how their wife feels about their marriage. I had a couple of private comments to me that this only matters when sex is happening less often than desired; if you can have it pretty much any time you want it, then it really does not matter if it does or does not happen on any specific day.

All the stuff © Dmitriy Melnikov | Dreamstime.com

I think the same is true for much of what women seem to “expect” on special days like Valentine’s. Sure, there is a romantic value to something extra on special days, and if a woman is romantically inclined then she will want some things for that reason. However, if a woman is getting all the romance, flowers, quality time, touch, and so on that she needs, getting those things on Valentine’s Day won’t be nearly as important to her as for a woman who feels neglected most of the time.

In other words, if your wife makes a huge deal out of Valentine’s Day, maybe it is an indication that she feels neglected the other 364.25 days of the year. No, that is not the only explanation but it is one you should not ignore. If she feels cheated by not getting something for Valentine’s, ask yourself if you should be doing more of that for her in general.

Image Credit: © Dmitriy Melnikov | Dreamstime.com


Valentine's Day is a tough one because as you're trying to do something special for your spouse, everyone else is trying to do the same exact thing. Restaurant reservations are impossible, flowers are super expensive, etc etc. So I agree with this post, if a wife's "love tank" is already full, then Valentine's Day doesn't matter so much. But if not, then she will put a lot of faith (and fantasy) into a grand display on birthdays, Valentine's Days, anniversaries, and other holidays, hoping against hope that her husband might finally show her some love. Of course, if this is the case, one special Valentine's Day isn't going to resolve the problem....


Good points, and things for both husbands and wives to consider. I was thinking in Julie's "Birthday Sex" post... why should it matter, we're doing the deed regularly anyway, so if we don't happen to get to it on our birthdays, it really isn't a big deal for either of us. Not that I would ever neglect my dear husband on his birthday, of course.... but if we're both tired and overstuffed from cake.... Regarding V-Day, as wonderful as my husband is, he is a bit romantically challenged. My feeling is, V-Day is almost a no-brainer. The work has been done for him. This is his chance to do a romantic deed without having to put much thought into it. How hard is it to stop by the store and grab some flowers? The cards have been written... he doesn't have to come up with any great poetry, all he needs to do is sign his name. No trip to the mall required, no creativity needed. And yes, I will make sure to set aside time for a romp in the hay.. I'm not looking to receive and not give here ;-) I have to admit though, it hurts when he doesn't treat me to some Valentine's romance.

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