When I suggested you and your bride each come up with a list of things unacceptable to you, I was aware selfish people could abuse this.
As with most things in life, this is all about balance. Somewhere between selfishness and being a doormat is the realistic place we should inhabit. It’s a place where we ignore small irritations, and choose not to speak when we know something bothers us more than it should. It’s a place where we kindly mention things that bother us, and we mention them more often and more strongly if they bother us more or continue after being mentioned. It’s also a place where we respect ourselves enough to speak up about things we shouldn’t have to tolerate. Our unacceptable list should primarily be things most sensible people would agree are unacceptable, with only a few things based on individual needs and preferences.
Do you tend towards doormat or selfish? I suspect we all lean one way or the other. Knowing which fault we favour can help us stay in the balanced middle. Knowing which way your wife leans is also important, giving you a chance to help her find balance. This is especially true if your wife tends towards doormat – don’t let her put up with things she should not put up with!