Below is something sent to me about a week ago. I’ve left it as I received it, other than bolding a couple things to highlight them. A few comments below.
I’m a fb fan of your page. I like it. Anyway, sometimes I read the comments under the articles you post, and some of those husbands/wives are struggling! I encouraged my husband to write the testimony of our marriage. It’s below the stars. It’s a good and encouraging one. Feel free to share it. It’s the type of thing that will hopefully bless others, but we can’t exactly stand up and give it at church!
For about the first 9 years of our marriage it looked like there was a 0 percent chance of having anything resembling a healthy sex life. In fact, we slept in separate bedrooms for many years. We had four children so people assumed we were doing it all the time, but the truth is we were extremely efficient when it came to conception.
My wife was either pregnant or nursing for almost all of those 9 nears, so you would think that might have factored into it, but not really. She made a point from time to time to tell me that she did not find me attractive or my love making satisfying. I would say we actually had sex about 4 to 6 times per year, maybe. And most of that was a “let’s just get this over with” type of operation.
For several reasons, I never considered leaving her over it. For those same reasons I wasn’t going to have an affair. I also didn’t really see the point in trying for force my wife or guilt her into doing it. There’s nothing satisfying about making love to someone who clearly doesn’t want to be there.
So I just prayed about it to the Lord. That doesn’t mean I complained to the Lord about my wife. It means I prayed positive statements of faith over our love making. I said things like, “Thank you Lord that my wife finds me attractive and cannot keep her hands off of me in the name of Jesus.”
From there I just basically tried to stay in the Lord’s rest. I had tried and failed with my wife, so there was nothing left to do but put it the Lord’s hands and stay positive. I complimented my wife on how she looked. When she said she felt guilty about not wanting to have sex, I didn’t use that as an opportunity to apply pressure. I would say that I was just grateful that she let me rub her sweet bottom around the house. I would make statements about our marathon love making sessions or outfits that she could incorporate into our love making. They were jokes and taken as such, but it at least made the subject of lovemaking sort of fun instead of contentious.
Quite honestly, after a little while I didn’t think about it all that much. I continued my positive faith statements about our marriage and love making, but I have no idea how long I did it because I wasn’t really keeping track. My relationship with the Lord was really growing during that period and that was more than enough to satisfy me.
Then all of a sudden one day, literally out of nowhere, my wife, for lack of a better word, “snapped” in a positive way. She surprised me by changing her last name to mine, something she had refused to do for nine years. Told me how much she appreciated me, and got really, really interested in having sex.
Now my wife finds me extremely attractive and cannot keep her hands off of me. She thinks about having sex with me all day. She buys outfits to incorporate into our love making. She sends me sexy texts. She has to try really, really hard not to harass me constantly.
It had to be God. Because I am basically the exact same guy I have been for these past nine years. I had started lifting weights, and she goes on and on about how great I look, but no one else has ever once commented that they could tell I have been lifting weights. God just zapped her. After nine years we have finally entered the honeymoon period of our marriage.
The first bolded comment above is what I’ve been trying to say – why would any man want to press his wife to have sex she does not want to have, or to have sex in a way that she does not like? How could a loving husband enjoy such sex?
Beyond this, the gentleman decided to pray and leave it in God’s hands. If positive confession is not your thing, don’t get hung up on that – the point is he worked on himself and left his wife to God.
Can I promise you that every woman will do what this man’s wife did? Nope. But, I have seen and heard about this enough times to know this is not an aberration. However, be aware that making this your last-ditch plan is a bad choice. Most of what is done prior to putting it in God’s hands causes problems that get in the way of God doing His work in her life. It’s bad enough she has a lot of garbage to deal with, don’t add to that!
If you are blessed to have a better sex life than the fellow above had for the first nine years of his marriage, his approach is still a great way to get a better sex life. Let your wife know what you want, enjoy what she is willing to do, give it to God, pray, and work on your relationship with God.
Great tweet of the week:
When joy becomes a habit, extravagant love becomes a reflex. @lovedoes
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
New blog this week – Sex Within Marriage. Jay Dee has posted some comments on TGH. I’ve pointed to something he wrote at least once, from here, and regularly on Twitter and facebook, but I have failed to add him the weekly blog list. His post this week is a nice fit with what I discussed today and yesterday.
Featured Post – A must read article I saw this week:
Julie of Intimacy in Marriage posted Tragic Mediocrity. Is This Your Marriage? ◄ “No matter where you are, choose now to not settle for mediocrity.”
Black and Married with Kids
Have You Been Water or Gasoline in Your Marriage Conflicts? ◄ “Water or Gasoline?” There is a question we should all ask ourselves more often.
Why Asking Your Spouse for Help is Good for Your Marriage ◄ “I also married a man who genuinely thinks that people aren’t in need of help, unless they ask for it — even if it’s his own wife.”
The Generous Wife
You are a Label Maker ◄ What labels are you putting on your spouse?
Genuine Love ◄ How are you loving?
I Play by Sock Monkey Rules ◄ If you hate the word should, you should like this post!
Down Time ◄ Are you getting enough?
Intimacy in Marriage
10 BEST Sex Questions to Ask Your Spouse ◄ This is a great list. Ask it both ways.
Journey to Surrender
True Love Pursues Relentlessly ◄ Are you pursuing?
Is Marriage Easy or Hard? ◄ An interesting rethink.
True Accountability in Marriage ◄ Great thoughts on an important issue.
Keeping your SEX life alive during hard times – What say you? ◄ How do you do it?
One Flesh Marriage
I Can’t Love You Right ◄ We know what God says to do, but we fall short…
Redeeming Marriages with Jack and Janet
Worth the Work ◄ Another story of a redeemed marriage.
Sex Within Marriage
How do I get my wife or husband to do [blank]? ◄ Not the answer we want to hear, but it is one that can work.
…to Love Honor and Vacuum
Does Everything Really Come Down to Sex? ◄ “I wish women understood that for men, it really is that simple. Make love, and we’re putty in your hands.”