I have been reading comments and emails the last few days regarding what and how I am communicating here. A huge thanks to all who have taken the time, I really appreciate it. I see a couple of things I have done less than well, and I will work on making changes. My contention that women are naturally more relational than men has been mentioned by several, so I will use that some as I discuss a few specifics:
- Too much information: Not in the “TMI” way, but adding bunny trails. My mind makes connections, many, many connections. Those then spill out as I write. I actually remove a lot, but I think I need to do better at narrowing the focus. Whether or not women are more relational than men is usually not relevant to what I am saying, so I should skip it.
- Failing to choose hills wisely: I can show all kinds of studies, both behavioural and brain scans to support my belief that women are naturally more relational than men, but so what? If I “prove” that to someone, does it do anything to help his marriage? I would say no, it does not. As such, it is tangential to my goal and at best diluting what I want to accomplish.
- Making assumptions: One of the reasons I point out that women are more relational is I think this means we men have a disadvantage in this area. I point it out so men will realise they need to give extra effort there. However, I usually fail to explain that, just assuming everyone will get to the same logical conclusion I see. As I said, I make connections – however, I need to do better about realising not everyone is like that, and that some will make different connections.
- Failing to express empathy: It really helps to know that someone gets you, and your struggles and temptations. I do well at that sometimes, but not as well as I thought. When challenged, I went looking for where I had said I understand why a man getting little or no sex would turn to porn, but I could not find myself saying such a thing. I need to do better about this.
Part of my reason for writing this all out is to give myself a checklist for the future (there is a marriage lesson there). I am also making a promise to you, my readers. If you decide this blog is not for you, I want it to be because of what I believe, not because I have failed to communicate clearly.