One size fits all… NOT!

March 19, 2013

in Reader Requested, Seeing Clearly

Ever seen “OS” on a piece of clothing’s size tag? OS means “one-size-fits-all”. When I see this I always think “all of what?” No matter how stretchy something is, it’s going to be too big for some, and too small for others. At best it fits a majority of those in the middle, with some on either side it won’t fit.

Many sizes © Tatyana Mikryukova | Dreamstime.com

What you read here, and on other marriage blogs, and in books, is much the same; it will not fit every marriage. Writers who have a handle on the range of marriages will usually do a good job at hitting the folks in the middle, while missing those on various sides. Writers who don’t have a handle on the range of marriages say things that work for their marriage – even if their marriage significantly differs from the norm.

If you’re reading blogs to improve your marriage, understand you’ll never find one that’s a perfect fit for your marriage. Learn to reject the things clearly not for your marriage. Just be sure you’re rejecting it because it doesn’t fit, not because you don’t like it, or it seems like too much work, or it seems “unfair”. The things we don’t like are often what we most need to hear.

BTW: If you’re writing a blog, do everything you can to learn about a wide variety of marriages. Read as much as you can. Get to know couples with unusual marriages. Ask questions – all the time.

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4 comments
medawson
medawson

Let me chime in here if you will,

I think your blog is tremendous. However, a lot of what you say doesn't apply to my marriage and situation. There are days that it does, but a lot of the marriage baggage (we all have baggage, certainly different types) you discuss doesn't fit my spouse. She does not come with sexual abuse, bad views of sex, physical abuse, or emotional abuse ( I am thankful and grateful for this). This seems to be something you bring up in various series from time to time. However, there are many that it certainly applies to and needs to be addressed. So you are absolutely right, no one blog or blogger is going to appeal to everyone. Michael Hyatt talking about platform doesn't appeal to everyone. Seth Godin speaks to creative business types, but certainly not everyone. However, while you have some major themes there are always solid nuggets that span the generations and "baggage's" people bring to marriage. 

On a separate note, I have not had any RSS feed problems. I wanted to share that especially since I have made the jump from Google Reader to Feedly during your struggle time.

Keep up the great work!

medawson
medawson

Let me chime in here if you will, I think your blog is tremendous. However, a lot of what you say doesn't apply to my marriage and situation. There are days that it does, but a lot of the marriage baggage (we all have baggage, certainly different types) you discuss doesn't fit my spouse. She does not come with sexual abuse, bad views of sex, physical abuse, or emotional abuse ( I am thankful and grateful for this). This seems to be something you bring up in various series from time to time. However, there are many that it certainly applies to and needs to be addressed. So you are absolutely right, no one blog or blogger is going to appeal to everyone. Michael Hyatt talking about platform doesn't appeal to everyone. Seth Godin speaks to creative business types, but certainly not everyone. However, while you have some major themes there are always solid nuggets that span the generations and "baggage's" people bring to marriage.  On a separate note, I have not had any RSS feed problems. I wanted to share that especially since I have made the jump from Google Reader to Feedly during your struggle time. Keep up the great work!

Amy@out on a limb
Amy@out on a limb

Paul, I especially appreciate the admonishment to reject things that don't fit a person's marriage -- but not because it seems like work or feels unjust.  

In speaking personally with some troubled marrieds, anything that looks like work, sacrifice or unearned respect raises hackles.  It's when they know that they have a choice -- to give or to give up -- that they try and find some wonderful things.  Some fail, but I do believe much of the failure has to do with discernment of the very things you mention here.

God bless!


mindfullhere
mindfullhere

Paul, I especially appreciate the admonishment to reject things that don't fit a person's marriage -- but not because it seems like work or feels unjust.   In speaking personally with some troubled marrieds, anything that looks like work, sacrifice or unearned respect raises hackles.  It's when they know that they have a choice -- to give or to give up -- that they try and find some wonderful things.  Some fail, but I do believe much of the failure has to do with discernment of the very things you mention here. God bless!

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