A recently married couple got back from their honeymoon and showed up at church today. I watched them being the way newlyweds are.
Do you remember how you felt when you were first married? The joy, the wonder, the love, the desire never to be more than a foot away from one another (and preferably in constant physical contact)?
We’re told it can’t last. We’re told, by people who no longer feel that way it’s actually good those feeling don’t last. Personally, I think there’s some sour grapes thinking in all this, proclaiming what’s been lost must be lost; there was no choice; it’s not our fault it’s gone.
Yes, of course, our marriages grow and change, which means some of the initial feeling will change. However, change and loss are two different things, and many of us have lost the initial loving feelings of our marriage. Rather than those feelings growing and maturing, they died. Maybe they died of malnutrition because we didn’t make the time to feed those things. Maybe they were murdered by pride, jealousy, fear, or selfishness.
Most of those feelings, or at least mature versions of those feelings, can continue past the first year. Those things can be with you your entire marriage if you’re willing to do what it takes to foster and feed them. You can even regain the feelings if they have been lost, if you’re willing to do the work.
What could you do to bring some of those feeling back? What could you do to bring some of those feelings back in your spouse? If you acted as you use to, might it start some changes?
What are you waiting for?