Yesterday I wrote, “If you acted as you used to, might it start some changes?”
Am I suggesting you should “fake it till you make it?” As strange as it may sound, there’s growing science showing you can change your feelings by changing what you think. It turns out the mind is not as set in stone as was once believed; everything we experience, including our own thoughts, changes our mind.
Brain scans have shown imagining you are playing the guitar or playing tennis lights up the same parts of the brain as actually doing those things. Recalling a powerful emotional experience does the same thing, affecting us much as the original experience did. Is that really so difficult to believe? If you imagine having sex, doesn’t your body react with arousal, because of your thoughts? If you can think yourself horny, why would thinking yourself more in love seem strange?
Changing your thinking can change how you feel. Changing how you feel about your wife will result in a change in how you treat her, which will change how she feels about you, which will change how she treats you, which will… You get the idea.
Fair warning: There’s a lot of pseudo-science and non-science in this area, and the junk has run well ahead of the real science. However, there’s good science out there on this, and some of it’s changing how psychologists and counsellors approach many problems.