The Reason So Many Are Having So Little Sex

March 30, 2013

in Her Needs, Margin, Seeing Clearly, Sexuality

I know the number one reason so many of us are frustrated by a lack of sex. It’s the primary root cause of wives saying no to sex, and a major reason a growing number of men are saying no.

Too tired © Robert Kneschke |

The reason? We are too busy. We don’t have time for a regular, healthy sex life.

I know, you’re thinking you would drop anything and jump in bed if your wife were willing, right? Well almost anything… Well at least some of what you do when you’re home… When you’re home … which is not all that often…

Truth be told, I suspect most men are too busy to have as much sex as they’d like to have. Some of us got busy to help us forget about the sex we weren’t having, but regardless of why, we’re still too busy for a good sex life.

Then there’s the bigger problem of what business does to our wives sexuality. With a less demanding physical drive, women more easily lose track of how long it has been, making more difficult to move sex to the top of the priority list. Add to that the fact they need to connect emotionally to want or enjoy sex, and being too busy is a sure way to destroy both a woman’s desire for sex and her ability to enjoy it if she does do it.

Yes, a busy woman can have sex, and yes, we could argue biblically she should, but do we really want her to do it out of duty? Is her giving herself without desire and with no hope of enjoying it really what we want? Is it what God wants? Is it a sex life with a future?

There are, no doubt, a few women out there who can want and enjoy sex despite being too busy, but such women are rare. If you’d like more sex and your wife is busy, please connect the dots. Forget about all the other reasons and excuses, because “fixing” everything else and still being too busy is not going to do much to improve your sex life. On the other hand, if you make enough room in your life to relax a bit, all kinds of great things will happen, in and out of bed.

Bottom line: Don’t say “I would do anything for more sex” if you’re not willing to find a way for you, and your wife, to be less busy.

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My oversized load is mostly due to many health issues in my children, but also includes homeschooling, keeping up our home, meal preparations, parenting issues, etc. - not really anything I can eliminate...

My husband does not like to deal with "problems", as they interfere with romance.  He would like our married life to look like it does "in the movies".  And actually, who wouldn't love an "ideal" marriage without trials!  I would love that too, but unfortunately it's not our reality.

I am a wife who is overwhelmed -- mentally and physically exhausted.  What can I do when my husband is not willing to "do what it takes" to help me with an oversized load?

(I have shared with him many, many times how overwhelmed I feel but it hasn't brought about any change...)


I agree, Paul. Busyness is a big problem for marriages.

From the female perspective, I also think that husbands don't realize how much the other stuff they do when they're home primes the wife to be ready for a sexual invitation. For instance, being home an hour in the evening may mean that there's plenty of time for sex literally, but she may need more emotional time with hubby to feel connected and ready to engage in sex. Or perhaps she needs him to come home and pitch in with the household tasks so that she can get to bed before she's ready to drop. I'm not saying this is solely a hubby issue (I talk to woman about setting aside time for sex a lot!), but conversation and non-sexual touch can really help a wife feel more open to having sex.


Very well said Paul, and so relevant for today's families, Thanks :)

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