No – But I Might Be Willing to…

April 12, 2013

in Sexuality, Survey Says ..., Understanding Her

Last week I ran a poll asking women who say no to sex at least 20% of the time what they might be willing to do for their husband.

Multiple Choices © Paul H. Byerly

The answers given by the 123 women may help you if you have the higher drive in your marriage. The actual question was: “If you say no to sex at least one time in five, which of the following would you be willing to do (assuming he asked nicely and was decent about it)?” The part in bold is important, so do not miss it.

The bad news is 11% of the women said they would not be willing to do anything for their husband (including a woman whose desire “solution” was for him to sleep somewhere other than with her!). However, this means 89% were willing to do something at least some of the time.

The number one choice of the ladies? Fifty-fife percent said a quickie just for him. It may sound odd to you, but it is the least work for her, and for many the fastest of the choices. Among the half of the women who only chose one thing from the list, intercourse just for him was the preferred answer by 60%.

After intercourse, bringing him to climax by hand was the next most popular choice, at 48%. Lying with him while he masturbates got 31%, with 85% of those who choose it also being willing to do one or more other things. Finally 29% were sometimes willing to do him orally (that one surprised me) including 14% who gave it as the only thing they would do.

The second part of the survey asked what men might do to increase their chances. The answers are strong, but each has some dissenting votes, so learn your wife.

Giving her advanced notice is a good plan for most of you – 49% of women said being asked earlier in the day meant they were more likely to have sex at bedtime, while only 4% said this would reduce the chance of sex.

As to how often he asks, 43% said asking more often would mean more sex, while 7% said it would result in less sex. For asking less often, 20% of women said it would mean more sex, and 15% said it would mean less sex. Based on the comments how one asks is a major factor in this, and actually asking, as opposed to hints, is far more likely to get a yes.

Putting it all together – ask clearly and nicely, ask sooner rather than later, ask regularly, and be willing to accept any substitute she’s willing to offer. In addition to increasing your odds for each time, doing these things regularly should help change the atmosphere of something neither of you enjoys, which can only lead to better things.

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2 comments
KeelieReason
KeelieReason

This is definitely one of those things that has to be worked out between every couple. There are a lot of reasons a woman might say no to their husbands. For me, if I am saying no, it is because I'm just too tired to do anything else. The thought of doing anything for my husband is just exhausting. I think if the husband asks earlier in the day, it will really be a help. That will give the woman the ability to be mentally prepared. Not only that, it will help both the man and wife to do things different to get to that point. My husband likes to go to bed really late...in fact, later than I prefer. So, if we head to the bed at the time I was hoping to be asleep, I'm just not going to want sex or be willing to do anything for him when he springs it on me after I'm shutting down for the night. However, if we made the plan earlier in the day, then we would go to the bed earlier and the problem is solved. Not sure if this would work for others, but i know it has really helped us. 

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@KeelieReason I think lack of time and energy are the biggest sex problems for most couples. Likely the biggest marriage problems too. Better planning can certainly help!

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