Can You Handle the Truth?

April 19, 2013

in Communication, Links to good stuff, Marriage Killer

The other day, Lori asked her readers this question: “How honest are you with your husband? Do you leave out little things? Do you put quite a bit of spin on how you share with him? Do you lie?

You can't handle the truth!! © Columbia Pictures

The same question is valid for husbands – are you being fully honest with your wife? As my bride points out, “little bits of dishonesty erode the level of intimacy and trust in your marriage”. And, yes, such eroding of intimacy includes sexuality.

Let me also comment on a common reason men give for withholding truth from their wife, “She can’t handle the truth.” More often than not, I think the real concern is he doesn’t want to have to handle the consequence of her knowing the truth. He doesn’t want her to be mad at him, or even worse disappointed with him, so he tells himself she can’t handle it. In similar fashion, men often hide the truth about financial problems with the excuse they’re protecting their wife from truth that would hurt her.

Are there women so fragile telling them the truth would destroy them? No doubt, such women exist, but they are rare. If your wife is such a woman, she needs a great deal of help, and you should be doing everything in your power to get her that help.

Bottom line: Stop blaming your wife for your dishonesty!

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@themarriagebed @The_Bad_Dad First let me say I agree with what you write in your post.  Anything that happens to you as a person, anything that your wife needs to know, she needs full disclosure, I am not arguing that at all. However, there are things I keep from my wife with my role as a Pastor. I do not find this type of holding back information to be in conflict with the point you are making in your post. People confide things in me and there are situations I am made aware of that I don't share with anyone else. I am sure there are other professions, roles in churches/business, things such as that keep people from sharing details. These kinds of things I think are ok. Now a sin issue, a family issue, a finance issue, a personal history issue, etc. those such things, we should give full disclosure and not hold back. Maybe I am bringing up something that you weren't even addressing in your post. 

TheGenerousHusband moderator

@medawson I agree that this would not be dishonesty or hiding things from your wife.

My PERSONAL choice it to tell people I reserve the right to share anything with my wife, knowing that it will go no further. That does not mean I will tell her something, only that I get to decide.

If I was pastoring a church I can see that this might not work, but as a marriage minster it works just fine. I actually think those I talk to benefit from having a woman's perspective.

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