Afterplay for More and Better Sex

April 27, 2013

in Her Needs, Intimacy, Sexuality, Understanding Her

What happens when you and your bride are “finished” with sex?

Maybe for you it’s over; time to move on to the next thing, be that sleep, a snack, a bit of TV, some gaming, or whatever else. Thing is, it’s not over for her. Climax isn’t the end for her, and if you make it the end you’re cheating her and costing yourself.

Woman frustrated after sex © Georgii Dolgykh |

Sex releases a huge array of hormones and other chemicals into our bodies. If you climax inside her without a condom, she gets even more hormones and chemicals, which are very rapidly absorbed into the bloodstream. Sex alters her mind and emotions; it makes her feel good, relaxed, loving, trusting, and open. This is especially true when she climaxes, but it occurs to some degree even when she doesn’t. What happens when she’s in this state is significant, and it has a long-lasting effect on your her. If you break contact before she wants, she’ll feel rejected. Doing something to make her feel unloved or unneeded immediately after sex is not a good plan! If she regularly feels rejected after sex, she’ll be less and less interested in having sex – even if she’s not aware of the loss of interest or why she feels it. On the other hand, if you give her what she needs after climax, you make her feel very good. She’ll feel loved and cared for. She’ll feel closer to you, more trusting, and more hopeful for the future. If this happens after every act of sex, it’s likely that she will have an increased desire for sex. Again, she may not feel the change, or have any idea why it is happening.

Of course, you should give your wife the cuddling and loving talk she needs after sex because you love her and what to bless her. However, I see nothing wrong with using what it will do for you sexually to help motivate you to do what is right. You both get more of what you want and need, and I call that a major win!

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Image Credit: © Georgii Dolgykh |

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I've found that even though we have a FANTASTIC relationship, and 99% of the time my hubby is doing all the right things, cuddling me afterwards...there's that 1% that's happened where we spent too long in bed that morning and now we must rush off to wherever so as soon as we are both "done" he is hopping out of bed.  All of that 1%, even though I didn't really feel unloved I immediately burst into tears because I needed that little cool down time in his arms.  I may perhaps be a bit extreme of an example :) but I found it interesting that I need it EVERY SINGLE TIME.  It's not something I can unthink because as I begin crying I realize how ridiculous I am, of course we have commitments and we are going to be late if we don't get a move on but I couldn't stop the tears.  It also doesn't seem like I need that LONG timewise because I remember one of those times we probably laid there for like two minutes and I was fine and good to go.  It was the most bizarre thing I can't explain but seeing these posts helps me understand why I felt that way.


So true! I definitely need snuggling/loving talk time after sex. In fact, this is when Adam and I have some of our deepest conversations. And it definitely makes me want him more often. I love the completely intimate connection we have spiritually, emotionally, and physically right before, during, and after sex. 

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