I often mention getting third party help. Just what does that mean, and where do you get it?
Third party means someone in addition to you and your spouse, and there are many options. Sometimes you just need another set of ears to help the two of you talk through things. Sometimes you need someone with a bit of skill and wisdom, and sometimes you need someone trained to deal with the specific problems you’re facing.
Just as you wouldn’t hire a contractor to help you handle a simple shelf, you don’t need to go to a highly trained (and usually highly paid) individual for minor issues. Even if you can afford it, you’re monopolising their time that could be better spent with someone who needs their special skills. Sometimes a mature friend or couple is all you need, sometimes it would be a bad plan.
Regardless of who you go to, you want someone who has a good marriage, is spiritually mature, and will provide you with confidentiality. You also want someone with whom you feel comfortable – the best counsellor in the world won’t do you much good if you don’t get on well. You and your wife both need to feel it’s a good fit, which may mean trying several people. Be sure the person (or couple) shares your values about marriage and things spiritual.