This post is to balance yesterday’s “The danger of perfectionism“. Is there something in your marriage that really isn’t what it should be, but you tell yourself it’s okay?
Maybe you don’t feel up to the battle required to deal with the issue. Maybe you know bringing it up would cause anger and frustration with little or no chance things would change. Maybe you’ve tried in the past, it was ugly, and you’re unwilling to go through that again.
It’s certainly tempting to put “peace” ahead of truth – especially when it seems the truth won’t be acknowledged. Putting up with a wrong sometimes seems a better choice than living with on-going hostility. I get all of that, I really do. But what about integrity? If we refuse to speak the truth, if we refuse to stand up against what is wrong, we are not men of integrity! We can say it is just our marriage and it doesn’t matter, but integrity isn’t something we can live just where it is convenient!
I hear women saying things like “My husband isn’t a man of integrity” and “Why won’t he be the spiritual leader?” I wonder if the women saying those things realise their husband may be ignoring things just to keep peace in the marriage. I suspect many of those women would not initially like what their husband being a man of integrity would mean. There’s a good chance both husband and wife would ultimately like the change, but only after some struggle, adjustment, and growth.
If this isn’t making you eager to start confronting all the things you’ve been tolerating it means you’re paying attention. I’m calling you to something that is almost certainly going to cost you in the short-term; with no guarantee things will eventually be better. Doing this may or may not help your marriage, but it is the right thing to do.