More on Male Sexuality

May 20, 2013

in Beyond the Marriage, Marriage Killer, Sexuality

My Saturday post, Celebrating the male sex drive, resulted in the expected emails from men struggling with a wife who believes lies about male sexuality. I also got emails from bloggers and a couple of folks working with couples dealing with this problem. ~

Email © nokhoog_buchachon |

One email stood out for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it was written after my post, but before my post was on-line; so it was not in response to my post, but it fits perfectly. Secondly, it expresses the most extreme case of this I have ever heard. The wife has indicated that God wants her to limit the amount of sex because the man cares too much about sex, and denying him sex will help him develop a deeper relationship with God. In other words, this woman claims it is God’s will for her to say no to her husband for as long as a couple of months at a time.

As far as I can tell the women is serious about her faith, and wants to do what is right before God (and the husband strikes me the same way). Yet, this woman is convinced that God is asking her to do something that is in direct contradiction with the Bible! Does this show you how pervasive the lies about male sexuality are in the church?

What strikes me about this is that Paul was addressing this very thinking in 1 Cor 7. The roots of the situation were a bit different, but not much. There were those known as Gnostics who thought that the body was inherently evil, while the spirit was inherently good. They taught that the way to know God better was to abstain from pleasures of the flesh – with sex being near the top of the list. The Gnostics said even married couples should abstain from sex for the sake of their walk with the Lord.

This is what we are up against; the lies run deep and they have been in place a very long time. This is why I am asking begging for help! It is going to take a massive effort to put the truth in front of enough people enough times to make a significant difference. On the other hand, sharing the truth once with someone could result in a change for that person and her current or future spouse. This is especially true for those not yet married – including teens. Teach that sex in marriage is an incredible thing to be enjoyed for a couple’s entire life. Make sure every bride expects her husband to want her 24/7. If you are a married woman who has a good sex life, find ways to let other women know you like sex and like that your husband wants you. If you hear women expressing lies about male sexuality, lovingly challenge those lies with truth.

Bottom line: Be an unapologetic sex positive Christian!

Image Credit: © nokhoog_buchachon |

TheGenerousHusband moderator

HotHolyHumorous 8 hours agofrom livefyreMore on Male Sexuality

Oh, I just want to talk to that wife. And many wives.

This misunderstanding of flesh vs. spirit has wreaked a lot of havoc through the years. We Christians have often misunderstood that God gave us our flesh and it can be used with spiritual purposes in mind. Thanks for taking this on, Paul. [Comment lost in move, added here by Paul]

TheGenerousHusband moderator


8 hours agofrom livefyreMore on Male Sexuality

I agree with you Paul.  My wife and I  have not heard this type of stuff in our church circle and we have been married for 20 years.  Thanks for all you do. Thank God that my wife and I are not this  way.  We have a very active sex life and have a good time together.  [Comment lost in move, added here by Paul]

TheGenerousHusband moderator


2 hours agofrom livefyreMore on Male Sexuality

Great post, Paul. I especially like what you said in the last paragraph from, “This is especially true...” to “...and like that your husband wants you.”

The women who have fulfilling sexual relationships with their husbands should teach the other women about what they are doing. Not that they have to go into the “messy details” but like you said tell that they like sex and that they like that their husbands want them. The unacceptable alternative is to simply stand quietly aside and watch those unhappy marriages fall apart.

One question: You mention that teens should be taught these truths. I agree but how do you do that without their parents hustling off to another church? I suppose the answer to that would be to present the material to the parents first and then let them decide if they want their children to attend the class/series. It would be a sneaky way to fix some faulty thinking in the parents’ marriages too. [Comment lost in move, added here by Paul]

TheGenerousHusband moderator

Today's comments were lost in a server move. I've posted them above

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