My Friday post, Boundaries: Not Intended as a Way to Say No, was accompanied by a picture of The Great Wall of China. Unfortunately, the image is not so funny for some couples.
Relational walls are a fact of life, and to some degree many of them are wise. Without appropriate walls certain people will walk all over us, monopolise our time, or generally make life miserable. Of course, our spouse can do these same things, but we have a different relationship with our spouse – or at least we should have! Long-standing walls in marriage are both a sign of problems and a warning sign the marriage is in trouble. If your marriage has walls, you need to devote yourself to seeing those walls come down.
But how? Start with yourself. Examine the walls and find the ones you built, or helped to build. Think about how the wall went up, and use this to help you take it down.
What about the things from which the wall is protecting? You’ll be putting yourself at risk, and you can be sure you’ll get hurt at least a bit. The hope is your wall removal program will encourage your wife to do the same, but there’s no guarantee. The most likely scenario is she won’t change for a while – maybe a long while. Hang in there, eventually you should see her working to take down some of her walls.
That said, I am not suggesting you do this because she may change; I am suggesting it because it is the right thing to do. There should be no walls in your marriage, and the walls you built and maintain are wrong regardless of what your wife does with her walls.
Great tweet of the week:
We’re not all of the things we say we believe; we’re all of the things we do @bobgoff:
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
Featured Post – A must read article I saw this week:
Affaircare posted It’s Not About The Nail ◄ Hours later I am still laughing!
Black and Married with Kids
Should We Thank God for Sexual Intimacy In Our Marriage? ◄ You know what I think!
The Generous Wife
Every Hour On the Hour ◄ You can do this for her.
Intimacy in Marriage
“Dad, Will You Teach Me What It Means to be A Man?” ◄ One of our most important and sacred jobs.
Joe Beam’s Blog
Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage
Men Don’t Like to Work on Relationships ◄ Read this to find out why she wants to work on your marriage, and what that really means.
Romance in the Every Day ◄ Not as hard as you think.
Just Say No to Control ◄ Men and women are guilty of this.
One Flesh Marraige
Cure the Quarrelsome Wife ◄ Great thoughts on this issue.
Those I Salute ◄ Lest we forget
Redeeming Marriages with Jack and Janet
A Wrecked Car and a Valuable Marriage Lesson ◄ Your marriage can be fixed IF it is worth it to you.
The Romantic Vineyard
Stomping Good News! ◄ Congrats to Tom and Debi!!
Sex Within Marriage
How To React To A Sexual Awakening ◄ Will you react well if you get it?
…to Love Honor and Vacuum