Excuse Me, this Really Matters to Me

June 5, 2013

in Change, Communication

I have made two opposite mistakes in judgement over the years. I kept trying to get something that was never going to happen, and I gave up on things too soon. I suspect all of us have done at least one of these many times. 

ERROR! © Stuart Miles | freedigitalphotos.net

This happens in all areas of life, including our marriages. If you keep after your wife for something she is never, ever going to do, you just anger her and hurt your relationship. On the other hand, sometimes she needs you to press so she realise something is important enough to you that she should do something about it. Then there is the worst of both – mentioning something repeatedly, but doing it in a manner that makes it easy to dismiss.

Another self-defeating approach is saying something is important – for months or years. The logical conclusion is if it were really important you wouldn’t have put up with it for so long. Clearly you are doing just fine without it.

Yet another error is making a big deal about too many things. It seems you’re demanding in general, which is an excuse to ignore everything you say.

When something is important to you, tell her. Tell her clearly and if possible tell her why it’s important. Then stick with it. Don’t nag her all the time, but if she fails to do anything about it, bring it up again. Ask her if she’s willing to make changes, and if you can do anything to help her. If nothing changes, you have to decide if you are going to let it go, or push to get help from a third party

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Image Credit: © Stuart Miles | freedigitalphotos.net

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