Last week in Giving is Good, so Receive it I discussed having sex when she doesn’t feel like it, but says yes anyway. Right after writing the post, I had to come up with a survey topic for Twitter and facebook. So I asked, “Ladies – ever do it for him and end up having a great time?”
Almost a third of the women said when they do it “for him” they “get into it” more than 75% of the time. Another 17% said they get into it about 75% of the time, and 18% said they get into it about half the time. That means two-thirds of the women who have sex when they don’t feel like it find that at least half the time they end up enjoying it. WOW! Another 9% “get into it” a quarter of the time. Only 3% of the women say yes but have never gotten into it. (The remaining women either don’t say yes when they don’t want it, or always want it.)
If that’s not enough for you, how about this: thirty seven percent of the women agreed “Some of the best sex I’ve had was when I didn’t feel I wanted it.” So they don’t just enjoy it, sometimes it’s spectacular.
A few other observations:
- I have said many times most women (and a few men) don’t have the typical male arousal process of get horny, want sex. Most women don’t feel a significant desire for sex until their body has been aroused. This is a big part of the reason for the findings above.
- I was intentionally vague about “enjoying” sex in this survey, leaving it to the women. While most men cannot understand it, some women can sometimes have sex without orgasm and still very much enjoy it. If she wants an orgasm, do what it takes, but don’t assume orgasm is always necessary. (For some women any sex without orgasm is frustrating – know your wife.)
- Performance pressure is a big issue for some women. This is part of why a quarter of the women said, “When he knows it’s for him, I can relax and that makes sex easier and/or better for me.”
- One woman voiced the problem I was getting at last week “If he knows it’s for him, he’s unhappy and that makes things more challenging.”
Bottom line: When she says yes, accept it and go for it. If you second-guess her you are very likely cheating both of you out of a good time.