If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say…

June 14, 2013

in Communication

When you were growing up, were you ever told, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”

Silence! © Stuart Miles | freedigitalphotos.net

While this may be wise advice in many situations, it can be destructive advice for a marriage. I’m not suggesting it’s good to say negative things to your spouse, but it’s far worse to say nothing. It is also a bad plan to keep frustrations buried. If you can set something aside that is fine, but if you are just being silent while inwardly fuming about it that is harmful.

Communication is vital to a healthy marriage, and absolutely necessary if you want your marriage to grow. It is nice when all the communication is loving, but being honest and real is needed regardless of what you feel.

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1 comments
Roomtogrow
Roomtogrow

I agree, Paul. I believe that's one of the main reasons our marriage is in the shape it's in: my husband of over three decades refused to say anything to me, ever, about anything I did that caused him pain, anger, etc. Instead, he stuffed it, all the time pretending everything was 'okay.' How could I change what I didn't know was hurting him? Likewise, he never wanted me to address anything with him. To say he avoids conflict at all costs is putting it mildly. I KNOW I've been frustrated at not being able to politely address things with him that needed to be said without being told I was just making problems or "I can't believe/you shouldn't feel that way." Nowadays, we can't have a discussion without his anger spewing out and out of control. Like you said, if you can let it go, fine. If you're just going to hold onto it and silently hold it against me, please, tell me about it NOW, and I'd like to be afforded the same grace. I'm completely open to being positively addressed on a negative matter/behavior. What we don't know can hurt us and the marriage.

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