An article I pointed to yesterday – When is it Okay to Talk About Past Hurts? – hits a subject I was planning to spend a few days on. It is all well and good to proclaim “the past should be left in the past” but the past sometimes refuses to abide by that rule.
Bad things form the past can be divided into two categories. There are the past pains and injuries you have dealt with, and there are those you have not dealt with. The former are dead, nothing but memories that can do no significant harm today. The latter are undead – still active, and still very able to cause problems. Denying they are still affecting you does not make that true, and denying you are treating your spouse badly because of your undead memories does not keep her from being hurt.
Spend some time in honest, prayerful reflection about this. Is your current life skewed, influenced, or full on controlled by things in your past that are not dead? Would your wife say this is the case? (We will get to her undead stuff later this week.)