When you talk about dealing with the past, inevitably someone tells you it is unbiblical, that Paul commands us to forget “what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead”.
Of course, this is taken out of context. Philippians 3 is not about past hurts; rather Paul is talking about the things in his past about which he could brag. Paul is laying down his “right” to say his past makes him anything saying, “whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ“.
What would you think of someone with a broken arm or leg that refused to get medical attention? What would you think of them if they tried to spiritualise their bad choice by claiming it is in the past, and the Bible says to forget it and move forward? Why should a mental or emotional wound be any different?
Just because mental and emotional wounds are not as obvious as a broken limbs does not mean they are not debilitating. Unhealed wounds of the mind keep people from trying, from growing, from loving, from moving forward, and much more. Wounds of the heart cause people to withdraw, or to lash out. Spouses and children suffer at the hands of men and women who refuse to deal with their past injuries.
Please do not excuse injury-induced behaviour with “that’s just the way I am.” Much of what we are is not what God has called us to be, and we have a responsibility to figure out why we fall short so we can be better. The way “we are” is greatly influenced by what we have lived, and especially by our experiences as children. If you broke your leg as a child, and it was never properly healed, you would still limp today. Likewise, if mental and emotional injuries from your past were not properly healed, they will limit you today.
If you have past injuries that affect you today, you owe it to your family do whatever it takes to be whole and healed.