What Defending Marriage Should Mean

June 30, 2013

in Marriage Killer, The "D" word

Earlier this week the US Supreme Court struck down part of the Defence of Marriage Act, a victory for those in favour of homosexual marriage. The response has been predictable from all sides.

I’m not happy about this turn of events, but it seems to me it was inevitable, given the church has long failed to defend marriages. The focus on homosexuals is, to me, a distraction from what we should be doing. Hebrews 13:4 has a command for us:

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. [ESV]

Infidelity © t0zz | freedigitalphotos.net

Does the church do that? The Greek word translated as honor there means, “as of great price, precious, held in honour, esteemed, especially dear”. Sure, we give lip service to it, but overall our actions don’t back it up. How much time and money do most churches invest in building up marriages? Do we actively disciple young couples about being good, biblical husbands and wives? Do we fight for marriages when the couple has given up? Often when a pending divorce comes to light folks in the church say, “Saw that coming”. What were those who saw it coming doing to prevent it? Were they too embarrassed to get involved? Were they afraid of offending a friend?

On a larger scale, why is the church putting more time, energy, and money into combating “gay marriage” than it puts into combating porn, adultery, and domestic violence? These other things are more common in society, they directly harm millions of marriages, and they are far likely to be happening in the average church.

I think we need to learn to apply 1 Corinthians 5:7-13:

Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people– not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler–not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

Bottom Line: Defending marriage means taking a stand for the marriages around you. Be ready to fight for them. Be willing to lose a friend if it might save his marriage. Oppose the sins that destroy marriages, and champion the things that build marriages.

By the way: My friend Keith Giles, AKA subversive1, has some interesting thoughts on the The Supreme Decision.

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Great tweet of the week:

You have the power to choose what you believe, but what you choose to believe has power over you. @jenniferdegler

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Yes, and amen! I have been divorced for 13 years, my ex was employed at a Christian college and active on our church's worship team. He committed adultery. I prayed, fasted, begged, pleaded, and meant my covenant vows. The church said God will bring someone else, it is foolish to pray for him as a prodigal spouse, etc. I believe Christians "redefined" marriage years ago when divorce became acceptable in the church. I am a seminary graduate and have been in church all my life. Yes, we judge the lost who are already under condemnation. We have become the Pharisees, and the world, the lost, do not know that they are who Jesus judged, the lost, he loved and welcomed with his dying, open arms.


"On a larger scale, why is the church putting more time, energy, and money into combating “gay marriage” than it puts into combating porn, adultery, and domestic violence?"

A big Amen to this - and the rest of the post. What happens within the Church is almost always more important about the politics outside of the church, with respect to marriage. (IMO the battle against the "homosexual agenda" both in the U.S. and in my country (NZ) has been a colossal waste of time and energy. Few have been convinced; many have got the idea that the church is anti-homosexual, following public statements from many politicians and church leaders...)

Joshua Belyeu
Joshua Belyeu

I think the main reason a lot of churches put more effort into battling the LGBT agenda is because it has a more instant effect on the integrity of marriage with the general public. There aren't many people trying to get federal approval and funding for things like divorce, adultery, polygamy, or incest.

Thankful Husband
Thankful Husband

On a larger scale, why is the church putting more time, energy, and money into combating “gay marriage” than it puts into combating porn, adultery, and domestic violence?


You just gave the woman's side of the talking points...all valid but how about the other side also.  Teaching women not to have sex before marriage but that after marriage it's a great thing and that biblical marriage does have headship (stop emasculating men).  I could give others but the church doesn't do these things either.

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