I am convinced that husbands and wives really want the same things.
I know some of you are thinking, “No, I’m pretty sure she could live the rest of her life without sex and never miss it.”
When I say we want the same things I am thinking about larger concepts. I think all of us, regardless of age, race, or gender, want:
- To feel loved and respected
- To feel accepted for who we are
- To feel heard and understood
- A sense of purpose and direction
- To feel we are doing something that matters
- Peace, security, a lack of fear
- A reasonable level of comfort
- To belong
There are others, but the list is actually rather short. You want those things, and your wife wants those things. If you feel your wife is preventing you from having one or more of those, you will be upset with her. Likewise, if she thinks you are getting in her way of having any of those things. On the other hand, if your wife is helping you to have those things, you will feel very good about her. If she feels you are helping her obtain those things she will feel good about you, and about being married to you.
The secret to a great marriage then is as “simple” as finding ways to help your wife obtain more of the things on that list. If your actions show you want her to have those things, she will see you as being on her side, and that will do wonderful things for your marriage.