I got an email about yesterday’s She Wants What You Want pointing out how many times I used the word “feel” in the post. This was followed by “At what point in human history did marriage get rebuilt upon the sandy foundation of transient feelings?”
I get the concern; I totally get it. Thing is, I didn’t say, “feelings”’ I said, “feel”. I could have used the word “believe” instead and made the same point. That said, I have talk about feelings often, and it’s a very important topic. So…
- I’ve quoted Dr Eggerichs, who says “Your feelings are not the voice of God. “
- I have pointed out Feeling Entitled Can Kill Your Marriage!
- I’ve argued, more than once, that love is a choice, not a feeling.
- I have pointed out our feelings can be false.
I have also talked about the fact that like it or not what someone perceives, or feels, is reality to them, even if it is totally wrong. Sometimes others believe false things about our beliefs or intentions because of “their stuff” while other times we have failed to communicate to them in a way they can understand. Regardless of who is “at fault”, trying to change a wrong perception is a wise move.
I have mentioned some have a bad habit of invalidating their spouse’s feelings, and how this harms a marriage. I wrote on the difference between Knowing, Believing, and Feeling, and what you can do to help your wife have all three. A few months ago, I wrote about the importance of feeling esteemed, and helping your bride feel she is esteemed. Shortly before that post, I said you can change your feelings by changing what you think.
It would be nice if what we feel/believe always lined up with truth. It would be nice if what we felt were based on God’s truth rather than what we see, think, fear, and imagine. It would be really nice if those same things were true for our wives! This is certainly our goal, but it is a goal we will not attain in this life.
Going back to yesterday’s post, your wife wants the same basic things you want, and life is much better if she feels/believes you are working to help her have those things. The next few days I will look at ways to go about that.